IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

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A sizable share of citizens consider that the exploitation of living creatures for all kinds of experiments
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 negative and should be banned.
In contrast
Linking Words
, others think that their use might be vital for important scientific experiments. I take the view that experimentation on
animals
Use synonyms
 can be justified only when it comes to
peoples
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people's
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 health and incurable diseases. Sometimes, in order to confirm some specific effects of new medicines, or their side effects, pharmacists have to test them on
animals
Use synonyms
.
This
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 might be related to the illness which very often
lead
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leads
show examples
 to fatal consequences. Nowadays, pharmacists are trying to discover an effective tool for overcoming cancer, which is one of the most serious diseases all over the world.
Unfortunatelly
Correct your spelling
Unfortunately
, without
animals
Use synonyms
 involved in
multimple
Correct your spelling
multiple
 clinical research which must be done, it is very difficult to implement.
However
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, I believe, that some alternatives could be
intruduced
Correct your spelling
introduced
. In order to decrease the number of innocent
animals
Use synonyms
, pharmaceutical workers can offer
experiment
Correct subject-verb agreement
experiments
show examples
new
Change preposition
on new
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 medical products on patients who are currently suffering from the disease. If they do
this
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, it might be the only chance for these people to
surviwe
Correct your spelling
survive
. Of course, it must be done only after voluntary their voluntary decisions.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 recent survey among cancer
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
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 in one of the clinics in New York, published by the Times broadsheet has reported that nearly 40% of their
patiens
Correct your spelling
patients
patient
 would like to be involved in
such
Linking Words
 experiments.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the steps which might help to solve the issue of animal exploitation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 must be taken. In conclusion, I take the view that
animals
Use synonyms
 can be used for
experimentsonle
Correct your spelling
experiments only
 when they are
assosiated
Correct your spelling
associated
 with incurable diseases.
However
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative ways of
solwing thes
Correct your spelling
solving these
 issues can be discovered.

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task response
Make sure to clearly define your position in the introduction and summarize it effectively in the conclusion. Your introduction gives a clear perspective, but it could be even more direct about your stance on the issue. Try to reinforce your viewpoint in the conclusion by summarizing your arguments more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
To improve logical flow, use transitional phrases between your ideas and paragraphs. This can help guide the reader through your arguments and enhance the clarity of your points.
task response
Expand on your examples. You mention that 40% of patients would like to participate in experiments, but adding details about why this is significant could strengthen your argument. Providing specific outcomes from these experiments or mentioning advances in medicine due to animal testing could enhance the overall effectiveness of your essay.
task achievement
You identify a clear viewpoint and provide an example of a relevant study that supports your argument, which shows engagement with the topic.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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