IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other part of their lives. What is the reason for this? How can this problem be overcome?

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Over the course of the
last
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 decades, a great number of individuals have had difficulties maintaining a healthy relationship between professional and personal life.
Although
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it is clear that
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 ever-increasing workloads and living in a materialistic era are the main reasons behind
this
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 imbalance, the joint effort of both governments and ordinary people can be a great contribution to mitigate the side effects of
such
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 a problem. Admittedly, there are various factors that have a direct impact on work-life balance.
Initially
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, in spite of major improvements in technology, many people still have to work hard so as to meet unrealistic deadlines.
Therefore
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, they are so busy and fail to pay adequate attention to other parts of their lives.
For instance
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, a recent study at Harvard University discovered that more than 65% of employees complain about their work conditions and their effects on their relationships.
Moreover
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, the expenses of living in many parts of the world have increased considerably and some individuals fail to cover their expenses without working around the clock, which lessens the quality of their lives on the whole. In order to reduce the imbalance between work and private life, some measures should be taken.
Firstly
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, some boundaries that limit working hours, should be established.
In other words
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, people should avoid work-related tasks after leaving the workplace.
Secondly
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, governments should take immediate action to reduce inflation and prices. As a tangible example, the Indian government reduced the living expenses in Delhi by 14%
last
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 year, so even if a person does not receive a high income, he or she has the opportunity to live a decent life.
Consequently
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, the importance of work-life balance cannot be neglected in modern societies. Since working on tighter and tighter deadlines and high costs of living are two leading elements of
this
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 problem, taking control of inflation and shorter working hours can be effective in addressing
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more thorough explanation of how the suggested measures would actually improve work-life balance. Each point could benefit from additional detail or examples to further support your claims.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the flow between ideas is slightly smoother. For instance, using transitional phrases between points in the argument can enhance the reader's understanding of how the points relate to one another.
coherence and cohesion
Revisiting the introduction to clearly define the specific aspects of work-life balance being addressed may strengthen your introduction and provide a clearer roadmap for your essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear understanding of the topic and addresses both reasons for the imbalance and potential solutions effectively.
task achievement
You make effective use of examples to support your points, particularly the reference to the study at Harvard University which lends credibility to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized and follows a logical structure, allowing your argument to build progressively throughout the paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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