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Band 6

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
In
this
 contemporary epoch, most individuals have very hectic schedules.
Due to
 busy life, people get
health
 ailments because they are not able to
exercise
 daily.
This
 essay will delve into the reasons behind the above scenario and will provide some solutions to
this
 problem.
To begin
 with, the most prominent reason behind
this
 is the stress of the workload
due to
 which humans are unable to get some spare time for
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
. Lack of
exercise
 leads to various serious
health
 issues
such
 as diabetes.
For instance
, promises to meet deadlines drain the stamina of people are they are not left with any energy for the workout. Most individuals are adopting
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sedentary lifestyle
due to
 technical advancements. They love spending their free time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
surfing
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 rather than going to the gym for body
exercise
. To solve
this
 issue, it is vital for every creature to understand the importance of
health
. “
Health
 Is Wealth”
therefore
, humans need to make a proper schedule for them that must include an hour for body
exercise
 to themselves fit.
Moreover
, meeting the work agenda should be necessary but it should not affect human
health
 negatively. Lack of
exercise
 and too much workload can lead to serious troubles.
Furthermore
, the government can open a gym near to office building to facilitate
exercise
.
To conclude
, as per the testimonials mentioned above
it is clear that
 huge work pressure and technical gadgets are the major reasons behind the lack of
exercise
. To solve
this
 problem, humans should change their way of living and the efforts of executives can
also
 be taken into account.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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task achievement
While the essay adequately addresses the task and provides relevant examples, there is room for improvement in structuring ideas more clearly and logically.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on each main point with more depth and detail, providing a clearer explanation of how the examples support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Using more transition words and phrases can help improve the overall coherence and smoothness of the text.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of sentence construction and stylistic choices to avoid abrupt or disjointed sentences. A more natural flow of ideas will strengthen your coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame the discussion.
task achievement
Relevant points and examples have been provided to support the main ideas, which is a good practice.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question: why people don't exercise and potential solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
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