IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Science tells there are activities that are good for the health. However some people still continue doing unhealthy habits. Causes and solutions.

#science #activities #health #people #habits
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As per
science
Add a comma
science,
show examples
 there are some activities that benefit our health but
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
 some people fail to maintain healthy
habits
. The causes of
this
 problem and solutions are discussed below. In our society, some individuals might not be fully aware of the consequences of their unhealthy
habits
 or may not recognize the benefits of healthier alternatives.
For example
, people might not know that smoking can lead to severe respiratory diseases or that a sedentary lifestyle contributes to obesity. Unhealthy
habits
such
 as smoking, drinking, or drug abuse are often tied to addiction, making it challenging for individuals to quit. Again, people might adopt unhealthy
habits
due to
 peer pressure or cultural norms. Consumption of certain foods, alcohol, or harmful substances could be ingrained in cultural traditions or lifestyles. It is high time we implemented some effective solutions. Education campaigns and public health initiatives to raise awareness about the dangers of unhealthy
habits
 and the benefits of healthy lifestyles. Information can be disseminated through schools, workplaces, and media platforms. Providing support systems
such
 as
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
, rehabilitation programs, and support groups to help individuals combat addiction and adopt healthier
habits
. Promoting community-based initiatives to make healthier options more accessible,
such
 as subsidies for fresh produce, establishing local gyms, and providing cooking classes that emphasize nutrition.
To conclude
, it can be stated that lack of awareness, addiction and negative social stigma are the root causes behind unhealthy practices. By implementing
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 solutions like increasing social awareness,
establishing
Correct word choice
and establishing
show examples
 good systems,
this
 issue can be resolved.
Submitted by writing9common on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
The logical flow could be further improved by making more explicit connections between ideas, especially in the transition between discussing causes and solutions.
Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, include more specific examples or real-life statistics to support your points, which could make your arguments more compelling.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion on unhealthy habits and their solutions.
Task Achievement
You addressed multiple causes and solutions, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion
The ideas are presented clearly, with a good structure dividing causes and solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • respiratory diseases
  • psychological dependencies
  • peer pressure
  • cultural norms
  • health education
  • support systems
  • rehabilitation programs
  • workplace wellness
  • nutrition
  • subsidies
  • smoke-free zones
  • taxes on sugary drinks
  • health check-ups
  • local gyms
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: