IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The growing number of refugees and displaced persons is a global concern. What measures can be taken to support these individuals and address the root causes of forced migration?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the growing number of refugees and displaced persons is a global problem. In many parts of the world, many people support forced migration.
However
Linking Words
, nobody helps foreigner-displaced persons who left their countries not by choice, but out of necessity.
This
Linking Words
 essay will look at the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 and propose some solutions. One of the main causes of the trouble is political unrest in the country. Because conflicts, military coups and wars between states have sharply increased the number of refugees. The solution is for the state to improve international affairs. Another problem is that civil and social issues.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, the number of emigrants is growing
due to
Linking Words
 poverty. Because they cannot afford food and accommodation.
As a result
Linking Words
, they leave their countries. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue, the state and government should create economic opportunities. A third cause of the problem is global environmental issues. They flee from their homeland
due to
Linking Words
 natural disasters
such
Linking Words
 as floods and earthquakes. The way forward could be for the government to allow climate immigrants to live in other countries.
To sum up
Linking Words
, expatriates and displaced persons leave their states
due to
Linking Words
 natural disasters, poverty, persecution and wars. My view is that the main responsibility for solving the question lies with society and the government.The refugee crisis is a complex issue that requires a comprehensive approach. Providing direct assistance to refugees is crucial, but long-term solutions must
also
Linking Words
 be implemented to prevent displacement in the first place. International cooperation, humanitarian aid, and sustainable development efforts can help create a world where fewer people are forced to leave their homes in search of safety and stability.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your introduction presents the topic clearly and indicates the intention of the essay, but the use of 'support forced migration' is misleading. Aim to clarify that it is actual individuals who are affected by forced migration, not the migration itself.
Coherence and Cohesion
When discussing the main points, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that is directly related to your thesis. Some arguments could be expanded further for clarity, especially in relation to how they relate to the refugee crisis.
Task Achievement
Make sure to include relevant examples or data to support your claims, particularly in the paragraphs discussing poverty and environmental issues. This will help strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid abrupt transitions between sentences and ideas; use linking phrases to connect your thoughts for better flow.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively identifies key causes of forced migration and offers solutions to address them, which shows understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the points made and reinforces the need for a comprehensive approach to the refugee crisis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Forced migration
  • Asylum procedures
  • Humanitarian aid
  • Resettlement programs
  • Reintegration
  • Economic opportunities
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Human rights standards
  • Refoulement
  • Diplomatic efforts
  • Social cohesion
  • Psychosocial support
What to do next:
Look at other essays: