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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion?

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Government decisions about which
drugs
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 are made legal or illegal receive diverse public responses. The significant societal and
health
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problems
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 caused by legal
drugs
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,
such
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 as
tobacco
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 and
alcohol
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, have led many
people
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 to advocate for them to be made illegal like heroin or cocaine.
However
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, I believe that despite their potential harm,
tobacco
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 and
alcohol
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 should be legal. It is true that
drugs
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such
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 as
tobacco
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 and
alcohol
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 can cause substantial
health
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 risks and societal concerns.
Tobacco
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 use is associated with
health
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problems
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such
Linking Words
 as cancer and heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
while
Linking Words
 second-hand smoke adversely affects nearby individuals.
Similarly
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, excessive
alcohol
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 consumption can contribute to mental
health
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problems
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,
liver
Correct word choice
and liver
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 disease.
Moreover
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, when
people
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 are under the influence of
alcohol
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 it can lead to aggressive behaviour.
Nevertheless
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, these types of
drugs
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 should not be subjected to the same strict laws as hard
drugs
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 like cocaine and heroin, as they are substantially less damaging and addictive.
For instance
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, many
people
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 are able to enjoy a safe number of alcoholic beverages without compromising their
health
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 or endangering the public.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when consumed in moderation,
alcohol
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 plays an important role in helping
people
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 to relax and enjoy themselves in social situations.
While
Linking Words
tobacco
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 is certainly unhealthy, its prohibition may drive users to obtain the substance illegally or to turn to more dangerous alternatives. In conclusion,
although
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alcohol
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 and
tobacco
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 do have
problems
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 for both
people
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’s
health
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 and society, these
problems
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 are not severe enough to justify making them illegal.
Instead
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, public advertising campaigns and educational policies should be put in place to help individuals make wise decisions about how to use these
drugs
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.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by acknowledging some arguments for making tobacco and alcohol illegal, which could enhance the depth of your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all sentences are fully clear and precise, especially in terms of linking ideas smoothly to enhance logical flow.
task achievement
Adding more specific examples or statistics regarding the effects of tobacco and alcohol could strengthen your points and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and maintains a consistent stance throughout, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logically organized, with clear paragraphs that differentiate between the introduction, body, and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Chronic diseases
  • Substance abuse
  • Psychological dependency
  • Social stigma
  • Preventive measures
  • Legislative framework
  • Healthcare expenditure
  • Judicial system
  • Prohibition era
  • Civil liberties
  • Tax revenues
  • Harm reduction
  • Ethical considerations
  • Public health policy
  • Addiction treatment
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