Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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It is a known fact that some species of animals are at risk of extinction,
while
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others already have.
This
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phenomenon is caused by a lot of factors that can be connected to humans' actions. Since it is
such
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a pressing matter with
huge
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a huge
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effect on the environment and its balance, finding a solution is fundamental. Animals' extinction's causes can be found in the environmental changes, which were caused by humans's evolution.
Firstly
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, industries are the main cause of water pollution that
destroyed
Wrong verb form
destroys
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a variety of habitats, causing,
consequently
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, the death of
millions
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millions of
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creatures.
For example
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, the contamination of sweet waters killed tons of salmons, which now are at risk of extinction.
Secondly
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, emissions generated by traffic and industries heavily affect the air quality; toxic fumes contributed to the creation of the Ozone Hole, which led to an increase in temperatures.
For instance
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, white bears are almost extinct because higher temperatures are melting the icycles. Since balance in the fauna is essential to the
overall
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health of the Earth, resolving
this
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issues
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issue
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is a priority. Being a problem with huge dimensions, the only way to solve it is by involving all governments. Countries have to collaborate, regulations have to be approved, and their application has to be monitored.
Besides
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corporate regulation, smaller changes can be made in our everyday lives that can help.
For example
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,
instead
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of using the car for small distances, we could walk or take the bus. In conclusion, since the Industrial Revolution, humans' actions have been destroying the Earth, causing the death of millions of creatures that are fundamental for our survival;
therefore
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, a solution is required and that can be obtained only by the collaboration of both governments and citizens.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the thesis and develops the argument systematically. The logical progression is present but can be improved for clarity.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and provide more depth to illustrate your points. This will enhance clarity and make your argument more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a variety of sentence structures and linking phrases to improve the flow between ideas, making your writing smoother and more engaging.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt thoughtfully, discussing both causes and solutions related to animal extinction.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and emphasizes the need for collaboration between governments and citizens, which gives a strong end to your argument.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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