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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

COUNTRIES ARE BECOMING MORE AND MORE SIMILAR BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE ABLE TO BUY THE SAME PRODUCTS ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. DO YOU THINK IS A POSITIVE OR NEGETIVE DEVELOPMENT?

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It is undeniable that growing consumerism has become a trend worldwide after the industrialization age. Because of the
development
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 of transportation, products from different world regions can be sent to another within days or weeks.
While
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 some
people
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 think that
this
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 might affect the uniqueness of countries, I suppose that
this
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 is a positive
development
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 which could promote the equity of accessibility to, primarily, medication and
food
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. On the one hand, the ability of
people
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 to buy the same things, especially clothes, wherever they are can make
people
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 look more alike.
However
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, they cannot be that similar in terms of culture and ways of life.
For example
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, Thai
people
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 used to wear traditional Thai wear on a daily basis, a hundred years ago. With the coming of Western fashion from globalization, Thai citizens nowadays have changed the way we dress to be more convenient and comfortable with T-shirts and jeans. Indeed,
this
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 change does not make Thailand similar to the West because they still have unique cultures and norms.
On the other hand
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, the convenience of purchasing could be beneficial for many industries, including
food
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 and healthcare. Whether many developed countries have faced obesity issues
due to
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 the excessive amount of
food
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 supplies, there are many underdeveloped countries where children do not have enough nutritious
food
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. These problems are now decreasing with the rise of the advancement of
food
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 supply chains around the globe.
Moreover
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,
this
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development
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 can help to prevent many communicable diseases if vaccines are available in every country, no matter how far they are. In conclusion, the increase in the availability of products is a positive
development
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 because it helps tackle gaps in access to
food
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 and healthcare globally.

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task achievement
You might consider providing more detailed examples when discussing the cultural aspects to strengthen your points about the uniqueness of countries.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear, distinct idea that is linked back to the main thesis; this will help enhance the logical structure.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, and your argument for the positive aspects of global consumerism is well-founded.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay, with clear introduction and conclusion, helps guide the reader through your arguments effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • mutual understanding
  • cooperation
  • standards of living
  • consumer choices
  • competitive prices
  • local businesses
  • homogenization
  • cultural identity
  • economic disparities
  • overproduction
  • sustainability
  • innovation
  • global brands
  • cultural diversity
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