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Band 6

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message

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Many cultures
instill
Change the spelling
instil
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 in
children
Use synonyms
 the belief that they can achieve anything through hard work and determination.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 mindset can foster ambition and resilience, it may
also
Linking Words
 lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointment. On the one hand, encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 to believe in their potential can be highly beneficial. Parental support plays a crucial role in shaping a child's confidence, perseverance, and self-discipline. When
children
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 are taught that
success
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 is a result of effort rather than innate ability, they develop a strong work ethic.
This
Linking Words
 belief has helped many individuals overcome obstacles and reach their goals.
For instance
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, Lionel Messi, one of the greatest footballers of all time, faced numerous challenges
due to
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 a growth hormone deficiency.
However
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, with the unwavering support of his family and relentless dedication, he was able to achieve remarkable
success
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 in his career.
Such
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 examples demonstrate that persistence and determination can indeed lead to extraordinary accomplishments.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 belief can sometimes create unrealistic expectations. Young
children
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 often struggle to differentiate between achievable and unattainable goals.
While
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 hard work is essential,
success
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 in certain fields
also
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 depends on factors
such
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 as talent, opportunity, and external circumstances. A child who dreams of becoming a professional athlete or a world-renowned singer may face disappointment if they
lack
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lacks
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 the necessary skills or opportunities.
Furthermore
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,
constant
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the constant
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 emphasis on achieving ambitious goals may result in stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem when
children
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 fail to meet their own or their
parents'
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parent's
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 expectations. Without proper guidance, they may blame themselves for their perceived failures rather than recognizing the role of external limitations. In conclusion,
while
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 encouraging
children
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 to believe in their potential fosters ambition and perseverance, it is equally important to teach them about the realities of
success
Use synonyms
. Parents and educators should strike a balance between motivation and realism, ensuring that
children
Use synonyms
 develop both confidence and a practical understanding of their abilities and limitations.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using more cohesive devices, such as linking words, to further enhance coherence.
task achievement
You provide strong specific examples, like Lionel Messi, to support your points. To strengthen your task response, you could expand on the potential negative outcomes of unrealistic expectations by providing another example or elaborating on how children can cope with failures.
task achievement
The use of a relevant example (Lionel Messi) effectively illustrates your point about perseverance leading to success. This adds depth to your argument and engages the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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