IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many things which were done in the home by hand in the past are now done by machines. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Automation not only has changed industries
,
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 but
also
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 has had an immense effect on households. Many
household
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 chores that were once done by hand now can be accomplished with the help of
machines
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 that can work automatically, as we all need to do is press the necessary button. In my opinion,
this
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 advancement has more advantages than
the
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disadvantages, since these
machines
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 are efficient and women are likely to enjoy
this
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 feature of contemporary life.
However
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, the spare
time
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this
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 change offers is not being used properly. One clear advantage of
machines
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 in terms of
household
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 chores is efficiency.
In other words
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, there is a specific
household
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 appliance
that is
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 designed for specific work. Take the washing machine as an example. It can wash various fabrics with specifically programmed functions. If washed by hand, those fabrics can be damaged or the lifespan of the items might be affected. Things done by hand were mostly shouldered by women in many countries until recently and automation has definitely benefitted them. My country is a good example
for
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of
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this
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. Many women are held responsible for
household
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 chores in a majority of families and
the
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equipment like washing
machines
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 and dishwashers are
their
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the
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saviors
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saviours
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 that can take a significant proportion of the burden to themselves. Admittedly, there is one drawback regarding
this
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 change and it is related to lifestyle. Since these
machines
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 were introduced to homes, people’s free
time
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 at home has increased considerably, but so has the amount of
time
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 people spend holding their smartphones or watching TV. To be more precise, the spare
time
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 the
machines
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 have provided is not handled as it should be by some of us. By way of conclusion, I strongly believe that automation in the
household
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 has clear benefits that can not be ignored, but some people are not using
this
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 opportunity appropriately. As far as I am concerned, the free
time
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 that we have thanks to these
machines
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 should be used for family and personal development.

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task achievement
Consider adding a few more examples or evidence to support your points, especially regarding the negative impacts of increased leisure time.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your points more explicitly to strengthen your logical flow between ideas. For example, clarify how the efficiency of machines specifically contributes to more spare time.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively presenting your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the washing machine, to illustrate your points about efficiency and the role of women in household chores.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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