IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Deforestation is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing today. What are the causes and effects of deforestation?

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One of the most important problems with which the world struggles is
deforestation
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. Urban planning and using of
trees
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 in industries are the main reasons for logging. It has detrimental impacts,
such
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 as
air
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 pollution and the extinction of some species, which will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. In terms of the causes of
deforestation
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, building new cities is one of the main reasons. An increasing number of people in the world require areas for living.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments cut down forests, and in these areas, they construct towns. Another key factor of
deforestation
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 is using
trees
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 as a
row
Correct your spelling
raw
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 material. To be more specific, from furniture to paper,
trees
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 are used for various purposes in factories. These items need a large amount of wood. So,
trees
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 are felled. Research shows that every year millions of square kilometres of forests are cut
due to
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 building cities or industrial purposes. There are serious effects of
deforestation
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 on the environment. The first of them is that the lack of
trees
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 leads to pollution of the
air
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.
In other words
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,
trees
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 absorb carbon dioxide from the
air
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 and evaporate oxygen into the atmosphere. Few
trees
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 mean that the level of carbon dioxide emitted from factories and transportation increases, and
as a result
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, the weather is being polluted. Another impact of logging is it can cause the extinction of rare kinds of
trees
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 or can ruin the habitats of animals.
For instance
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, if a forest which is the home of some animals is felled, these species will suffer from finding new areas to live. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned points into account,
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
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 of cities, and the usage of wood as a raw material bring about
deforestation
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, and it leads to the lack of fresh
air
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and the extinction of some species.

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Task Response
You clearly outlined the main causes and effects of deforestation, but providing a bit more detail or depth in your explanation could clarify your points further. Consider elaborating on how these causes directly contribute to environmental issues, perhaps with additional examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by connecting ideas more smoothly. For example, use linking words or phrases to enhance coherence between sentences and paragraphs. This will help guide the reader more effectively through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage well, but could be strengthened by rephrasing to avoid redundancy. Instead of saying 'is one of the most important problems with which the world struggles,' consider simpler phrasing like 'is a major global issue.' This will provide clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids readability and understanding.
Task Response
You provided relevant examples regarding the causes and effects of deforestation, which adds substance to your argument and demonstrates engagement with the topic.
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