IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some argue that we should use cleaner energy sources to protect the environment, even though they are more expensive than traditional energy sources like coal and oil. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays it is argued that cleaner
energy
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sources
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 are essential in order to achieve a sustainable future where humans coexist with nature. Cleaner fuels are expensive since their investment requires a huge amount of capital
initially
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also
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 the prices of coal and petroleum are on the rise so there is a need to replace them.
This
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 essay talks about sustainable
energy
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sources
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as well as
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 traditional fuels, their advantages and drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, coal and oil have provided humanity with
energy
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 for decades and are the lifeline for
energy
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 production.
Furthermore
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, they are packed with
energy
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 that can be used for various purposes.
Although
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 they have many advantages, it is not without their drawbacks. They ,upon ignition, would release a lot of pollutants mostly carbon dioxide. These gases create a heating effect on the earth's atmosphere and
due to
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 that humans are facing supercharged natural disasters which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 detrimental effects on people's lives.
Therefore
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, change to cleaner fuels is a
nessity
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necessity
.
For example
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,
apply
Verb problem
apply
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a study conducted by the World Health Organisation(WHO) states that around 45% of global carbon emissions come from
energy
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 production. Cleaner
sources
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 of
energy
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 like solar and wind are expensive to install and are not continuous like coal and oil. On the flip side, they are our only hope for a clean future since they don't harm the environment in any way
also
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 those initial investment costs would be cut down in ease of maintenance and higher efficiency in
energy
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 production. The carbon footprint of
such
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sources
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 is
also
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 low, what
this
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 means is that during installation they don't produce pollutants.
For instance
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, the proportion of renewables was 9% in 2020 and that of 2025 is 17% .
Thus
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, the use of renewable
energy
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 is increasing, and slowly but surely we will replace non-renewable
sources
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 all around the globe.
To conclude
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, the non-renewable
sources
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 of
energy
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 have created a scar on earth's face, in order to remove that scar we should transform into a cleaner world, a world of renewables. So, I completely agree with the notion that we should make a positive impact on our future.

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task achievement
Consider clearly stating your position in the introduction to enhance clarity and focus.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is well developed, and ensure that all parts of the argument are thoroughly addressed.
task achievement
Include more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments and enhance the engagement of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument in favor of cleaner energy sources, which is relevant and engaging.
coherence and cohesion
Good variety in vocabulary and sentence structure, which enhances readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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