IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that in order to give opportunities to new generation companies should encourage high level employess who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree? Why.

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Some individuals recommend that corporations should end the employment of high-level
employees
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 who reach 55 years in order to create more opportunities for young
people
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.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 statement because younger individuals often have more skills and academic knowledge, and their
excitement
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 to develop the firm leads to better results. The younger
generation
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 seems to have more skills and academic knowledge than the older
generation
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. The reason for
this
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 is that modern education provides all the resources needed to prepare students for the world after graduation.
Also
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, a phenomenal source for modern education is the internet, which allows students to self-study. Oxford University reported that
people
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 who use modern educational tools for self-study are likely to be more intelligent. Another reason for supporting younger
employees
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 is their enthusiasm to make the organization better. Young
people
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 have more
excitement
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 than older professionals in the field because older
employees
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 have already tried everything and do not enjoy trying new things or thinking about solutions.
On the other hand
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, young
people
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 enjoy every step of the process, which leads to better results and development for the firm.
For example
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, Waleed, the chief of Eray Company, is part of the younger
generation
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 and has shown better results than the previous 55-year-old chief
due to
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 his
excitement
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 to work. In conclusion, I agree that companies should prioritize younger
employees
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 because modern education helps them gain more knowledge, and their
excitement
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 to work is greater than that of older
employees
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. The younger
generation
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 should be given high-level positions
instead
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 of older
employees
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.

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task achievement
Expand on the main points with more detailed explanations and examples to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea directly related to the thesis statement, improving the flow.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the argument and sets the tone for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the stance taken in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • opportunities
  • innovative minds
  • groundbreaking
  • fast-paced
  • mentor
  • gradual transition
  • diversity
  • discriminatory
  • wisdom
  • financial implications
  • pension plans
  • severance packages
  • work-life balance
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