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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Crime is a big problem in the world; many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion

#crime #world
In recent years, there has been a significant rise in criminal activities, leading many to believe that controlling the current crime rate is an insurmountable challenge.
This
 essay presents
an
Change the article
a
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 contrasting perspective, suggesting that viable strategies, including improved education and stringent
laws
, can effectively address
this
 issue. To commence, addressing the root cause of criminal behaviour through teaching holds promise. Many criminal cases stem from a lack of knowledge, often linked to inadequate schooling. Insufficient understanding of societal norms and governmental
laws
 can contribute to antisocial conduct, harming the community. Individuals with higher levels of information are less likely to engage in criminal activities.
For example
, the Japanese government prioritizes education and emphasizes
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information on antisocial behaviour, contributing to Japan's globally renowned low crime rate. Another effective measure to curb criminal action is the implementation of strict
laws
 accompanied by severe punishments.
Laws
 play a crucial role in instilling fear in potential offenders, dissuading them from committing crimes. Harsh penalties,
such
 as extended prison sentences or even capital punishment, serve as deterrents.
This
 is particularly important for repeat offenders who, if aware of severe consequences, may refrain from committing crimes. Unlike those who may not fear imprisonment, individuals facing the prospect of electrocution, lethal injection, or firing squad are less likely to engage in illicit activities. In conclusion, there are several potential measures to prevent the escalation of criminal movement, including the enactment of stricter
laws
 and the promotion of adequate schooling. These approaches, if implemented effectively, can contribute to a safer and more secure society.
Submitted by nguyen.kogu17 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly addresses the essay prompt and sets a strong foundation for the argument.
task achievement
Maintain a clear position throughout the essay to ensure consistency in the argument and in answering the prompt.
task achievement
Integrate a variety of specific examples to support main points more thoroughly, as this adds depth to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Strive for logical progression of ideas throughout paragraphs using a range of cohesive devices effectively.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more sophisticated conclusion that not only summarizes the main points but also clearly restates your position in relation to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more cohesive structure by better connecting ideas and ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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