In some countries, a lot of children have health issues and are becoming overweight. Some people think that the government should be responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
İn our contemporary society, many
children
Use synonyms
possess health problems, one of which is obesity. Some
people
Use synonyms
advocate that the
government
Use synonyms
should be obligated to cope with
this
Linking Words
issue. Others argue that it is not the
government
Use synonyms
's job. From my standpoint, the
Government
Use synonyms
should play a crucial role in healing. In the upcoming paragraphs,
this
Linking Words
essay will elucidate my opinion on
this
Linking Words
topic and discuss the pros and cons of
this
Linking Words
phenomenon. First and foremost, Humanity has various concerns in today's world, and one of the most significant problems is overweight
children
Use synonyms
. Staying healthy has been crucial since the beginning of modern life, and all governments have some responsibility to solve
this
Linking Words
issue. Politicians and Mayors should construct sports facilities like swimming pools, basketball fields, etc. These facilities can be beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
to overcome
this
Linking Words
issue. They can stay active in a life with others.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, governments should make
people
Use synonyms
more conscious
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
some advertisements.
Also
Linking Words
, they need to explain the harmful effects on the human body with the conferences.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, others advocate that
this
Linking Words
is not the
government
Use synonyms
's obligation and that
people
Use synonyms
should fix
this
Linking Words
problem alone. Obesity is more prevalent than in old times because of some
motionless
Correct word choice
repetitive
show examples
activities
such
Linking Words
as video games, chatting, etc.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Being obese will be more common in the next century, which is a communal concern of humanity.
However
Linking Words
, it can be fixed with the correct enforcement by the
government
Use synonyms
. The
government
Use synonyms
should encourage younger
people
Use synonyms
to do some activities and lose weight. Areas and parks should be built for
children
Use synonyms
to stay active. All in all, it has sparked significant debate between
people
Use synonyms
, and balancing these perspectives is a complex challenge, but being obese is a problem that spreads day by day for
children
Use synonyms
all around the world. Some practices
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
by the
government
Use synonyms
can reduce the harms of
this
Linking Words
for younger
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction presents the topic and your standpoint well. Ensure clarity by explicitly stating your position in the thesis statement, indicating the extent of your agreement or disagreement.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or statistics to support your points. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your argument and provide a comprehensive response.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay flows logically, using more cohesive devices (like 'furthermore', 'in addition', etc.) can improve the connections between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points, but it could be stronger. Aim to reiterate your position clearly and leave the reader with a thought-provoking statement or call to action.
content
Your essay addresses a relevant and contemporary issue, reflecting an awareness of societal concerns.
content
You present a balanced view by acknowledging opposing arguments, which shows critical thinking.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: