IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Saving for the future has always been an important life lesson, especially for
the
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apply
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young adults. Saving in the bank accounts is a common thread when it comes to financial management for the young . In my opinion, I moderately
agree
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agree on
agree to
agree with
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 the statement.
This
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 essay will illustrate
benefits
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the benefits
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 and downsides
about
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of
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 the issue. In terms of
positive
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the positive
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 side, saving is at the same time building
the
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a
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 secure base for an accident and the retirement fund in the long term.
In particular
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, we have less disposable income to address the emergency,
such
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 as abrupt health
condition
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conditions
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, whose curement requires
certain
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a certain
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 amount of
money
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. If we didn't have the habit of saving
money
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, it would cause financial stress in our daily lives. It is
therefore
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 important to save
certain
Add an article
a certain
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 percentage of the salary
to
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for
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 the stock market or
buying
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buy
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the
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apply
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insurance in case of
the
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apply
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emergency use. On the other side, time and physical body condition is the most valuable asset the young possess.
As a result
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, it is widely encouraged to spend
money
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 on exploring the
world
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 and investing yourself by upgrading
the
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your
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 practical skills through attending
the
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apply
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courses or
traveling
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travelling
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 around the
world
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.
For example
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, there are many young content creators filming
the
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apply
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videos
for
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on
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 the topics of
learning
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apply
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different cultures around the
world
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. The titles
comes
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come
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 with tasting the oldest restaurant in the
world
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, and the 10 must-see destinations in Europe ,etc. The society
also
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 encourages the atmosphere of going overseas to see the
world
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. Saving is the second topic we need to take into account. In conclusion,
this
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 essay illustrated both sides of opinion
for
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on
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 spending and saving. It
is mainly depends
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mainly depends
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 on the individual circumstances from my point of view. I agree with saving
money
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 for the future and investing ourselves in the stage of young adulthood. Spend to serve as our largest tool is the most useful life hack we should learn.

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task achievement
Strengthen your thesis statement by clearly stating your main argument in the introduction. Instead of saying 'I moderately agree', consider being more definitive about your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs have clear topic sentences that directly relate to your thesis. It helps to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing the importance of saving, provide statistics or studies that emphasize its benefits.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify and streamline your language for better readability. Some phrases could be rephrased for more clarity, such as 'curament' which should be 'treatment'.
content
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is a positive approach.
content
You have made efforts to include examples from real life, such as young content creators, which can engage the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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