IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents believe that students must work hard at school and spend their free time learning their school lessons, while others believe that students need to spend their free time playing and developing other skills. With which opinion do you agree? Use specific reasons to support your opinion.

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Some parents elucidate that students have to study their college lessons spending all
Use synonyms
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 even
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
,whilst other parents posit that they should
also
Linking Words
 spare their
time
Use synonyms
 for their preferences and improving other skills.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees with the second perspective and will give causes. First and foremost,
although
Linking Words
 academic achievements are essential,people are not
robot
Fix the agreement mistake
robots
show examples
 and cannot focus on just their lessons.They sometimes
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
 unwind
doing
Change preposition
by doing
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 their favourite hobbies and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 a break education not to be exhausted throughout.Playing games and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
musical
intruments
Correct your spelling
instruments
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 to explore new sightseeing places,exercising,
hanging
Correct word choice
and hanging
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 out with their friends might be effective methods to meet their
entartaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 requirements.It could
an
Add a missing verb
be an
show examples
 example that students,who are fed up with their universities for exams,usually take a year out to prepare themselves for
this
Linking Words
 challenging way. To protect well-being is important to keep up with their studies and not to be tedious.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,they should enhance their skills in various fields,which attract them, to keep their balance.
In addition
Linking Words
,
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
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 all
time
Use synonyms
lessons
Change preposition
on lessons
show examples
 leads to a drawback
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is a lack of friendship.
Hence
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,
while
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 those, who consider just their academic life,can pass with flying colors,they are not
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 in making new relationships and continuing it.
Moroever
Correct your spelling
However
,in a real case,Albert
Enistein
Correct your spelling
Einstein
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 is a well-known physicist in the world,
was
Verb problem
did
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 not get along well with his wife.
Because he
Correct word choice
He
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 had some interesting rules at home,
so
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apply
show examples
 one of these
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 to separate two parts
his
Change preposition
of his
show examples
 home,drawing a line. In
a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 academic life
makes
Verb problem
creates
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 a chance of being
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 in jobs,it should be regulated equally with
social
Add an article
a social
show examples
 life to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mental disorders.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your position with a clear thesis statement. This can help set up the argument for the rest of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, work on creating clearer topic sentences that summarize the main point of each paragraph. This will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Be more specific and clear when providing examples. For example, instead of saying 'students take a year out,' elaborate on how this specifically benefits them and relate it back to the topic.
task achievement
You have put forth a clear opinion and defended it throughout your essay, which is important in task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your vocabulary demonstrates a strong range, with some varied word choices that enhance your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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