Some people think that giving aids to the poor countries has more negative impacts than positive ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Certain individuals opine that aid provision for underdeveloped
countries
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is disadvantageous and unfair. I completely disagree with
this
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view and in my opinion, assisting poorer
countries
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has its own benefits for developed nations. First of all,
countries
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with better economic states can promote their production and expand their manufacturing fields around the World, providing more workplaces for citizens and gaining a certain part of the income from there. Mostly, in poor
countries
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, nearly 50 per cent of human beings live without simple needs
such
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as eating three times a day or sleeping under a roof because of the lack of places to work.
For instance
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, in Congo, people who do not have any opportunities to migrate to other
countries
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are forced to do twelve-hour work every day.
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Although
Correct word choice
However
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, developed
countries
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, through providing some investments there, can obtain at least 55 per cent of the total nation’s income, like the USA does today in Congo, through building new manufactures.
Moreover
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, it is evident that numerous rich nations do not have the best geographical locations to produce or develop their agriculture. In that case, underdeveloped
countries
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can equally assist great empires by renting their territory.
Such
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symbiosis can be exemplified by relationships between Canada and certain parts of the African continent,
due to
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the lack of humidity and soil quality, Canada cooperates with them and at the same time encourages employees with jobs, increasing its range and economy.
Thus
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, compared to 2000 statistics, Canada’s economy has risen by 60 per cent in each field. In summary,
while
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some people are of the opinion that aid for underdeveloped
countries
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is more harmful than beneficial, I suppose that international cooperation and assistance are more advantageous than disadvantageous.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a more nuanced exploration of the negative impacts of aid to address the counter-argument. This can strengthen your position by acknowledging opposing views.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between your ideas. For instance, 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' or 'however' can help clarify connections between points.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each example clearly ties back to your main argument about aid being beneficial. This will help in strengthening the relevance of your examples.
Positive Highlight
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the topic effectively, setting a strong foundation for your argument.
Positive Highlight
You provided specific examples, such as the situation in Congo, which strengthens your arguments and makes them more relatable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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