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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their chuldren’s Study. On the contrary , those online games have produced a lot of negative effect on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion

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It is often argued by parents that
computer
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games
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 hold no academic value and, in fact, exert a profoundly negative influence on children’s mental and physical development.
While
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 it is undeniable that excessive gaming can lead to adverse outcomes, I contend that when managed appropriately,
computer
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games
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 can offer considerable benefits, and the key lies in moderation and parental guidance. Undoubtedly, there are significant concerns regarding the impact of
computer
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games
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. Excessive screen time has been associated with a sedentary lifestyle, which can contribute to obesity and other health issues among children.
Moreover
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, long hours spent gaming may lead to diminished attention spans, reduced academic focus, and even social isolation. In extreme cases, the immersive nature of these
games
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 can foster addictive
behaviors
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behaviours
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, causing children to neglect both their studies and physical well-being.
Such
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 drawbacks have fueled parental anxiety, prompting many to view
computer
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games
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 as a detriment rather than a benign leisure activity.
However
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,
this
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 perspective fails to consider the potential benefits of well-designed
computer
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games
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. Many contemporary
games
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 are crafted not only for entertainment but
also
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 to enhance cognitive abilities
such
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 as problem-solving, strategic planning, and hand-eye coordination.
For example
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, multiplayer
games
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 require teamwork and communication, skills that are invaluable in both academic and future professional settings.
Furthermore
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, the advent of ‘gamified’ educational software has demonstrated that when learning is embedded within interactive and engaging formats, students often develop a deeper understanding of complex concepts. By leveraging the intrinsic motivational aspects of gaming, educators can transform traditionally mundane subjects into stimulating learning experiences. In my view, rather than dismissing
computer
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games
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 outright, a balanced approach is essential. Parents should regulate screen time and encourage a lifestyle that combines digital interaction with physical activities. By setting clear boundaries and promoting diverse interests, parents can mitigate the risks associated with excessive gaming
while
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 enabling their children to reap its cognitive benefits. In conclusion,
while
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 unregulated
computer
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 gaming may pose certain risks to mental and physical development, its potential as a tool for learning and skill enhancement should not be underestimated. With prudent management and parental oversight,
computer
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games
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 can coexist with academic pursuits to foster well-rounded development.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on how specific types of gaming can positively influence various skills. Including specific studies or statistics could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that transitions between points are very clear to enhance the flow of the essay. Phrases like 'furthermore' or 'on the other hand' can help.
content and structure
The essay demonstrates a balanced viewpoint and effectively argues for the benefits of computer games when managed properly.
content and structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and encompass the main ideas effectively, leaving a clear impression for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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