IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think sports in schools is a waste of time and resources, while other believe it is a vital part of education. Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that sport is not a choice; it is a lifestyle.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that PE classes are a waste of time for
students
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, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it.
This
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 essay will analyze
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
To begin
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 with, sport is an essential part of our lives.
In other words
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, it supports our physical health
as well as
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 reduces the risk of obesity and health issues. Participating in
sports
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 teaches important life skills
such
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 as teamwork, leadership, and discipline, which are crucial for personal development and future career success.
In addition
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, play keeps
students
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 engaged and motivated, potentially improving
overall
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 academic performance
due to
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 enhanced concentration and reduced stress levels. Another point to consider is that resources spent on
sports
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 could be argued to detract from academic subjects that might more directly affect educational and career outcomes. It is
also
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 possible to say that some believe that not all
students
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 are interested in
sports
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;
thus
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, allocating excessive resources to
sports
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 might overlook the interests or talents of non-athletic
students
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.
Moreover
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,
sports
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 might expose
students
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 to potential injuries, and some argue that the focus should remain on academic achievements to better prepare
students
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 for university and careers. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that sport is an important part of learning because it teaches the
students
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 everything from health to personality.
And it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 presents a valuable advantage, as I said, a huge personal development discipline that lets them get ready for their university and career.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your intention to discuss both sides. However, consider refining your thesis statement to make your opinion more explicit.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your points are well-structured, but some ideas could benefit from further elaboration or specific examples to enhance clarity and depth, particularly in the discussion of opposing views.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your perspective, but it could be more impactful by reiterating the key arguments and solidifying the importance of sports within education.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a good range of vocabulary and demonstrates an understanding of the topic, with relevant points raised during the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
You maintain a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay, which aids reader comprehension.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic educational environment
  • physical health
  • participation in sports
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • discipline
  • personal development
  • academic performance
  • concentration
  • stress reduction
  • career success
  • resource allocation
  • injury risk
  • academic achievement
  • university preparation
  • motivational engagement
  • non-athletic students
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