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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more prisons are being built to house the world's criminals, and many people believe long-term imprisonment is the answer to solving the crime problem. However, others feel that psychological assistance is what is required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

To cage an individual after he has been found guilty of his acts is the universal punishment inflicted by law.
While
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 some think that these criminals should go through long periods of imprisonment, others opine that offenders should be counselled by experts to transform them into good human beings.
This
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 essay will examine both ends before presenting my view. On the one hand, no crime should be taken lightly. Commitment of any criminal activity should be strictly looked into and the criminal should be punished for a longer duration.
This
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 is to make him realise the consequences of his unaccepted acts in society. More
time
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 spent in prison would deter him from doing
such
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 acts again. A prisoner is considered a taboo in our society and
thus
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this
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 tag when carried for a lengthy span of
time
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, even spoils the reputation of his family members.
This
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 insult embarrasses him and eventually, the prolonged
time
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 spent in jail would help in bringing a change in his personality. A recent study conducted by London Law University revealed that 10% of criminals , when incarcerated in miserable conditions inside the prisons, make them understand the pursuit of
such
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 evil offences and they tend to change their mindset.
On the other hand
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, no punishment can change the innate criminal nature of a person. Once a criminal, always a criminal.
Thus
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,
this
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 wrong habit should be refrained through psychological workshops. It is commonly believed that psychology plays a vital role in changing the thought process of an individual.
Therefore
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, experts in
this
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 field should step forward and help society by training the criminal mind.
This
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 effort goes a long way and serves the best purpose. Nowadays, the increased number of juvenile crimes is evidence of a lack of support and counselling for young brains. If
such
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 moldable teens are encouraged to be educated and made aware of the impact of heinous crimes, they will avoid doing it. In conclusion, I agree that no offence should be left unattended and bear a strict penalty,
however
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, keeping a person behind bars, even for a longer
time
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 would not yield positive results. Regular advice and counselling sessions
along with
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 short-term imprisonment, perhaps could mould the minds of criminals and help them in becoming good citizens.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define any key terms in the introduction and provide a more straightforward thesis statement. This can help set the stage for your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have clear topic sentences that directly relate to your thesis statement, and consider using more linking words to improve flow between ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and statistics to support your arguments, as these can strengthen your points and illustrate your ideas more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Refine your conclusion to not only summarize the points made but also strongly reiterate your stance in a more compelling manner.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a clear and logical structure, which is essential for good coherence.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, especially about juvenile crime, enhances the overall effectiveness of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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