IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this .

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It is argued that many teenagers in some nations are motivated to work or travel in a gap year after finishing high school and before starting
university
Use synonyms
 path. In my opinion, there are numerous benefits to using
this
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 period to enjoy working and adventuring around the world but there are a few drawbacks that young people have to deal with its. On the one hand, many adolescents decide to work and travel during
this
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 break because they would like to get rest and boost their energy after studying hard for about ten years.
However
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, some people have to do part-time jobs to collect a lot of money to prepare to pay for
university
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 tuition fees
due to
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 the shortage of budget.
Furthermore
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, going on some trips to see new atmospheres aids children in having inspiration and choosing the career path in the
university
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 courses.
For instance
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Usage
Correct article usage
The usage
show examples
 of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score. , Thai students who take a journey to South Korea to see some amazing local foods, so they come back to study business and open their local Korean food in Thailand.
On the other hand
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, being a temporary employee makes them thinking no need to study higher education like
university
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 or beyond since they can earn money without
further
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 graduation.
Thus
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, they avoid learning again and will lack of proper educational system.
Moreover
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, some groups of children do not want to relax but continue studying and learning massively hard.
This
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 will make many young teenagers have a burnout situation or gain over the stressful impact on their physicality and mentality in the long term. In conclusion, taking a short time-out to labour or having a journey with an appropriate mindset will make immature students gain a lot of advantages
such
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 as new skills, recharging energy, minor incomes, and so on but their parents must give advice and take care them to receive the
university
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 studies.

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coherence and cohesion
The essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Consider providing additional examples to substantiate your points and make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammatical correctness and clarity. Some sentences are awkwardly structured, which can confuse the reader.
task achievement
You presented both advantages and disadvantages well, demonstrating a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
Your introductory paragraph provides a clear overview of your opinion, making your stance on the topic clear from the beginning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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