IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that competition is good at work or school. Others think that cooperation is important rather than competetion. Dicuss both views along with your opinion.

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It is believed by some people that
competition
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 has beneficial effects at the academic level or workplace.
However
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, others argue that cooperation is essential more than
competition
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views. As far as I am concerned, I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of the first notion. To commence with the former view, the first and foremost reason is enhancing their own
skills
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. At the early stage of school, children learn how to compete with other children and they adapt to the higher grades in classes.
Likewise
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, at the workplace, employees can get more appreciation or get a reward if they compete with others.
For example
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, a survey conducted by Oxford University in Canada showed that more children enhance their
skills
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 through
competition
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.
As a result
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,
Competition
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 is good for students and employees because they can sharpen their
skills
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. Shifting towards the latter notion, the predominant point is getting an everybody experience. If we work in groups both at a school or at a job we will get an open-minded idea from everybody's brains and we can make changes
according to
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 that and we can learn many
skills
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such
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 as how to give respect to others in teamwork.
For example
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, an article was published by the famous newspaper, Cable News Network in 2020, which showed that students who performed in group projects had achieved the first position because of their different adaptability.
Hence
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, with cooperation, we can make a perfect thing. In conclusion,
although
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 cooperation has everybody's efforts, I believe that with
competition
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 we are able to strengthen our character and reveal potential.

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introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will help set expectations for the reader.
clarity
Consider rephrasing some sentences for improved clarity. For example, replace 'get more appreciation or get a reward' with 'receive recognition or rewards' for a more formal tone.
development
Expand on your main points a bit more, providing deeper analysis or additional examples to strengthen your arguments.
accuracy
Avoid minor spelling errors, such as 'competetion' should be 'competition'. This can affect the overall impression of your writing.
task achievement
You have presented both views clearly and expressed your opinion effectively, which is a key aspect of task response.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay follows a coherent structure with clear paragraphs that help guide the reader through your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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