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Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the popluation in the countryside is decreasing.

#countries #world #people #cities #popluation #countryside
This
 is becoming a modern trend in many pieces of the world,
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 more and more habitats of the countryside are moving to urban areas for a better life.
This
 essay believes that
this
 movement has more drawbacks and negative consequences than plus points, considering its negative effects on the agricultural sector and city
infrastructure
. On the one hand, mass relocation of the population to cities may lead to an erosion of cultural heritage and national identity. Traditionally, people living in rural areas are much more connected with their roots, cultures and traditions. Moving to busy cities and adopting to new reality, people losing their traditional way of living and keeping their normal routine.
For instance
,
due to
 the shift work schedule, which is
tipical
Correct your spelling
typical
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many entry-level jobs and long
commute
Fix the agreement mistake
commutes
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, they may not be able to visit a church mass every Sunday morning or pray every afternoon as they used to do back home.
On the other hand
, the constantly increasing urban population puts significant pressure on city
infrastructure
 and demands additional funding for development and maintenance. Substantial investments in
infrastructure
 may not always keep pace with the population growth. Pollution, traffic congestion,
inadequate
Correct word choice
and inadequate
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 housing
exacerbating
Wrong verb form
exacerbate
show examples
 people's living conditions in megapolises. In conclusion, depopulating rural areas negatively influences both the countryside and cities
due to
 the lack of cultural aspects and traditions, which are crucial for human beings,
as well as
 putting enormous pressure on city transport and living
infrastructure
.
Therefore
this
 trend should not be welcomed and should be considered as detrimental.
Submitted by lea12nz on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical progression between paragraphs and within sections.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure each paragraph contributes a unique point.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases effectively to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically structured and relevant to the topic.
task achievement
The response is mostly complete and addresses the main components of the question.
task achievement
Good attempt to present clear and comprehensive ideas.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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