IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Globalization and Cultural Identity Some argue that globalization is eroding cultural identities, while others believe it promotes cultural exchange. Discuss both views and provide your opinion

It is often argued that
globalization
Use synonyms
 is dismantling traditional values,
while
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 others claim that it is useful for cultural diversification.
Although
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 globalism can teach us about the world, the vast majority of
people
Use synonyms
 see it as a threat, making them less versatile, and
for
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this
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 reason, I agree with the latter view. On one hand, some believe that
globalization
Use synonyms
 promotes the integration of national economies into a global market, leading to increased trade, investment, and competition.
This
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 allows countries to become interdependent, which leads to the rise of international organisations and cooperation.
For example
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,
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
 Trade Organisation is the foundation to ensure sustainable development and prosperity across different regions of the world.
On the other hand
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, others believe that
globalization
Use synonyms
 is becoming more of a problem than a solution, and it is a prevalent view among local communities that open borders policy is destroying the social fabric of society.
For instance
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, American immigration policy has become more complicated in recent years because of the growing number of illegal migrants, which eventually led to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rise in crime rates in different states across the country.
Moreover
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, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 are out of jobs because of the recession in the region. In conclusion, despite the fact that
globalization
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 has been a central part
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the economy, the overwhelming majority of
people
Use synonyms
 are still struggling to make ends meet, and I believe that there should be some kind of rules and regulations to ensure cultural security in order to keep
people
Use synonyms
 in their communities safe and secure.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the opposing views but could be strengthened by rephrasing the phrases. Aim for more clarity when introducing your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Check for logical flow between your ideas. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to support a stronger argument.
task achievement
While you provide examples, some are not directly related to cultural identity. Use more relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that summarizes your opinion, which is essential in IELTS essays.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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