IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Effect of Social Media on Youth • "Some people believe that social media has a negative impact on young people, while others argue that it has positive effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

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It is often argued that social
media
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 is causing problems for younger generations,
while
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 others claim that it is a useful tool for communication.
Although
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 social outlets can teach us about the world, the vast majority view social
media
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 actively, making
people
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 less intelligent, and
for
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this
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 reason, I agree with the first view. Travel logs can provide knowledge and a greater understanding of various topics,
such
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 as nature, history and traditions.
This
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 allows viewers to experience art disciplines outside the classroom, which is often more enthralling than a lecture or lesson from a teacher.
For example
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, through YouTube viewers can learn all sorts of new facts about
antient
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ancient
civilization
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civilizations
show examples
 that they might not have watched previously.
However
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, travel logs only represent a tiny fraction of what
people
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 actually watch on social
media
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, and I believe that they are not representative of most social
media
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 niches. The fact remains that the most common use of social
media
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 is for popular types of
videos
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 like comedy skits, memes and roasting that do not teach
people
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 anything.
This
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 is to say, the
videos
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 that most viewers watch appeal to those who want to be entertained without thinking or learning.
Moreover
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, a lot of money is invested in making these
videos
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 addictive, meaning
people
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 end up watching more social
media
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 content than they intend to without learning anything.
For instance
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, TikTok algorithms are dedicated to purely entertaining, non-educational programming because Owners know that
this
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 kind of content will result in the highest ratings. I,
therefore
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, agree that, for most
people
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, the main function of social
media
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 is
for
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apply
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entertainment. In conclusion, despite a few travel logs and science
videos
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 providing a good source of knowledge, the overwhelming majority of
people
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 watch social
media
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 for pleasure, not to learn, and I believe
that is
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 its primary use.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument and provides a consistent flow of ideas. While your points are relevant, consider strengthening them with more specific examples or further explaining how they relate to the overall impact of social media.
Task Achievement
Your introduction presents the argument well, but make sure the thesis statement is more distinct. It would be beneficial to clarify your position and provide a brief outline of the main points you will discuss in your essay.
Task Achievement
While your conclusion summarizes your points, consider adding a final statement that reflects on the broader implications of your argument, thus giving the reader something to think about.
Task Achievement
You present a clear argument and articulate your stance on the topic effectively. The use of examples like YouTube and TikTok algorithms strengthens your position and illustrates your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The organizational structure of your essay is logical, with a clear progression from the introduction to the conclusion. This aids in readability and comprehension.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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