IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives generally more comfortable but traditional values & customs have been lost & this is a pity. To what extend do you agree.

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In today’s fast-paced world, Many individuals dedicate long hours to their jobs in order to afford luxurious goods and a higher standard of living. In my opinion,
while
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 material progress brings undeniable benefits, the erosion of cultural heritage is a significant demerit that shouldn’t be overlooked.
This
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 essay will support
this
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 view and reach a reasonable conclusion. On the one hand, economic progress and increased consumerism have improved living conditions for many. Technological advancements, better healthcare, and access to modern amenities have become more widespread
due to
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 higher income levels.
For instance
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, the widespread availability of smartphones and the internet has made communication faster and more efficient, allowing people across the globe to connect with each other.
This
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 shift has undeniably made everyday life more efficient and enjoyable for a large portion of the population.
However
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, the growing emphasis on acquiring wealth and possessions has often come at the expense of long-standing customs. In the race for financial success, individuals may spend less time with family, celebrate fewer cultural festivals, or neglect traditional crafts and languages. To illustrate, in many Asian countries, traditional festivals like the Lunar New Year or harvest celebrations are now seen as secondary to work commitments, with fewer people participating fully in rituals or family gatherings. In conclusion,
while
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 economic growth and technological advancement have undoubtedly enhanced comfort and convenience, they
also
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 have a notable impact on traditional values. It is essential to strike a balance between economic expansion and cultural preservation to ensure that progress does not come at the cost of identity and belonging.

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task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly developed and that your arguments are fully supported with specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use a broader range of cohesive devices to guide readers through your arguments more clearly.
task achievement
Provide a few more details or explanations for your main points to enhance clarity and understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the essay's structure, which is effective for guiding the reader.
task achievement
The examples you provided were relevant and illustrated your points well, demonstrating your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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