IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the internet is increasing the gap between the rich and poor, while others argue that it helps to reduce this gap. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The
internet
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 is changing our
world
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 at a dramatic pace. Yet, it is not clear who benefits the most. Does the
internet
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 help the rich to become richer, or does it actually help the poor close the gap? I believe that the
internet
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 presents a unique opportunity to make our
world
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 more equal. Those who argue that the
internet
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 mainly helps the rich have a point.
Firstly
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, only
people
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 who have
access
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 to it can benefit from it.
Although
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internet
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access
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 is becoming more common, many
people
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 with low income still have no stable broadband at home and are less likely to gain from
this
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 technology. As for the business
world
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, the
internet
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 clearly accelerates the growth of successful companies,
such
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 as Amazon and Facebook, which cannibalise small businesses. In
this
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 way, it rewards the owners of large corporations, mainly based in developed countries, and hurts smaller local businesses and
people
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 working for them.
Although
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 the rich can clearly use the
internet
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 to their advantage, I still believe that it is the poor who benefit the most. In the past, one’s location determined to a large extent their
access
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 to education and well-paid jobs but today,
this
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 is less true. Distance learning allows
people
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 to gain knowledge and skills that are not available in their area.
Then
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, they can use these skills to work remotely for companies based in richer parts of the
world
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 and earn higher salaries.
As a result
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, more
people
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 get
access
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 to opportunities that used to be available only to the wealthy few.
This
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 is why I think that the
internet
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 actually helps to make income distribution more equal. In conclusion, the
internet
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 opens far wider
access
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 to opportunities for both individuals and businesses.
This
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 is why, in my opinion,
this
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 technology has great potential to narrow the gap between the rich and
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or data to further support your points, especially in the paragraphs discussing the positive impact of the internet on the poor.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your ideas flow logically, using more cohesive devices (like 'furthermore' or 'in addition') could enhance the connections between your points and improve the overall coherence
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main arguments, reinforcing your opinion about the internet's role rather than introducing new ideas.
Task Achievement
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and presents a clear thesis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your arguments are well-structured and address both sides of the issue thoughtfully.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital divide
  • wealth gap
  • accessibility
  • disadvantaged
  • empowerment
  • digital skills
  • online resources
  • financial disparities
  • bridging the gap
  • digital inclusion
  • economic inequality
  • equal opportunities
  • digital divide
  • information age
  • socioeconomic divide
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