Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In today's world of technological advancement,
while
several individuals assert that the internet
has facilitated people
's social life
due to
the more spending time chatting on social media such
as Instagram, others reckon electronic devices as an adverse effect on man's socialization. I firmly disagree with the auspicious impact of the prosperity of technology on people
's strive to socialize because the majority of people
have become more introverted in the sense of no need for communication in real life
in conjunction with having an unstable self-esteem
.
To begin
with, the ubiquitous of the internet
causes the appearance of the disability of proper communication skills thus
losing cohesion with reality. Moreover
, an array of young individuals struggle with daily communication in the sense of having conversations in media. For instance
, people
who tend to spend more time chatting on the internet
have more chances to act low-key rather than those who prefer communicating in real life
. Correspondingly, it entails losing the ability of good dialogue aptitudes that are needed to live a happy life
because a human being is a social creature.
It is striking that by spending more time on social media, people
tend to assess themselves with negative connotations. The internet
life
causes many people
's self-esteem
in the sense of constantly contrasting themselves to others. For instance
, a lot of people
are on Instagram social networks, witnessing life
of different individuals with more possessions, and more luxuries life
and start being envious because of that, cultivating unhealthy self-esteem
.
To recap the aforementioned, I am not profoundly on the same page with people
who think that technology assists plenty of people
in terms of their social life
in an auspicious way because it makes people
shyer, ruining their real conversational experience along with
causing the disease of shaky self-esteem
.Submitted by kirkagoglesmail on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt with relevant arguments, but try to develop and support your main points further with more examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical structure is consistent throughout the essay. Some parts feel abrupt or not fully linked to previous points. Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Double-check some of your word choices and sentence structures for grammatical correctness and clarity, as occasional errors may disrupt the flow.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument and states your position effectively.
coherence cohesion
Conclusion effectively summarizes the points discussed and reinforces your stance on the topic.
task achievement
Your points about reduced real-life communication skills and negative effects on self-esteem are valid and relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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