IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In today's world of technological advancement,
while
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 several individuals assert that the
internet
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 has facilitated
people
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's social
life
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due to
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 the more spending time chatting on social media
such
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 as Instagram, others reckon electronic devices as an adverse effect on man's socialization. I firmly disagree with the auspicious impact of the prosperity of technology on
people
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's strive to socialize because the majority of
people
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 have become more introverted in the sense of no need for communication in real
life
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 in conjunction with having an unstable
self-esteem
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.
To begin
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 with, the ubiquitous of the
internet
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 causes the appearance of the disability of proper communication skills
thus
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 losing cohesion with reality.
Moreover
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, an array of young individuals struggle with daily communication in the sense of having conversations in media.
For instance
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,
people
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 who tend to spend more time chatting on the
internet
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 have more chances to act low-key rather than those who prefer communicating in real
life
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. Correspondingly, it entails losing the ability of good dialogue aptitudes that are needed to live a happy
life
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 because a human being is a social creature. It is striking that by spending more time on social media,
people
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 tend to assess themselves with negative connotations. The
internet
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life
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 causes many
people
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's
self-esteem
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 in the sense of constantly contrasting themselves to others.
For instance
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, a lot of
people
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 are on Instagram social networks, witnessing
life
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 of different individuals with more possessions, and more luxuries
life
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 and start being envious because of that, cultivating unhealthy
self-esteem
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. To recap the aforementioned, I am not profoundly on the same page with
people
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 who think that technology assists plenty of
people
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 in terms of their social
life
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 in an auspicious way because it makes
people
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 shyer, ruining their real conversational experience
along with
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 causing the disease of shaky
self-esteem
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.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt with relevant arguments, but try to develop and support your main points further with more examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical structure is consistent throughout the essay. Some parts feel abrupt or not fully linked to previous points. Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Double-check some of your word choices and sentence structures for grammatical correctness and clarity, as occasional errors may disrupt the flow.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument and states your position effectively.
coherence cohesion
Conclusion effectively summarizes the points discussed and reinforces your stance on the topic.
task achievement
Your points about reduced real-life communication skills and negative effects on self-esteem are valid and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social interaction
  • connect
  • communicate
  • video conferencing
  • stay in touch
  • online communities
  • forums
  • like-minded individuals
  • global communication
  • collaboration
  • access to information
  • knowledge
  • bridge the gap
  • social isolation
  • detachment
  • face-to-face communication
  • genuine human connection
  • maintain
  • real-life interactions
  • balance
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