IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Being self-employed has both advantages and disadvantages. Discuss the positive and negative aspects of self-employment and provide examples to support your arguments. Do you think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks?

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In today's world, there are a lot of people who want to set up their own business and to be self-employed rather than work for any company. There are some reasons behind it
such
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 as
desire
Add an article
the desire
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of feeling
Change preposition
to feel
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 free,
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 more
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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money and so on.
Although
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, it has many benefits, unfortunately, there are negative sides
also
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.
This
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 writing will explain those views and give some examples relating to the topic.
To begin
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 with, to be successful with own business is more profitable than any other
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 for an organisation. Because, in
this
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 case,
person
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a person
the person
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 is the head of their job and the amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money they gain is up to how much they work.
On the other hand
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, working in a company as an employee, people have
fixed
Correct article usage
a fixed
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 salary and despite how hard they work, the income remains the same.
For example
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, the richest men in the world are self-employed people like Elon Musk,
Mark
Correct word choice
and Mark
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 Zuckerberg and their workers, of course, get less money than them. The wish
of feeling
Change preposition
to feel
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 free is another reason to choose. Everyone, who is self-employed loves to determine their working time without depending on anyone.
In addition
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, there are some drawbacks with self-employed. One significant downside of self-employment is the potential harm to one’s health. Unlike traditional jobs with fixed working hours, running your own business often leads to overworking, less sleep time and chronic stress.
For instance
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, a study by the World Health Organization (WHO) found that freelancers are 30% more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression compared to salaried employees. In conclusion,
to be
Change the verb form
being
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self-employed is advantageous in some situations. So, it is more suitable to choose achievable targets to reach and effort with self-discipline every day. To be protected from health issues we should avoid very difficult goals.

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clarification
The introduction could be clearer by directly stating the specific advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed in the essay.
clarification
In the conclusion, consider providing a clearer stance on whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, as this is a key part of the discussion.
cohesion
Try to use more varied linking phrases to improve the flow between ideas, such as 'Additionally', 'Conversely', and 'However'.
relevant examples
The essay provides some strong examples, such as the mention of self-employed billionaires and the study by WHO.
balanced argument
You have clearly identified both sides of self-employment, which is essential for a balanced discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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