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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays older people often live in retirement homes with people of their own age instead of living with their children. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #retirement #homes #age #children #development
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In the present day and age, the elderly society tends to spend their lives in
retirement
 homes
instead
 of relocating with their families. In my perspective, the aforementioned notion is indeed a positive development for reasons as shall be elaborated presently.
To begin
 with, living at a
retirement
 home plays a significant role in elderly
people
’s lives. First of all, they provide the elderly services
such
 as medical checkups on a regular basis . Since the high cost of living in
this
 hustle-bustle span, most families tend to spend long hours at work in order to meet basic requirements for living;
thus
, assisted living facilities are the only alternative left for aged
people
 who provide medical and living assistance when needed.
Furthermore
, owing to having
retirement
 centres, senior citizens may not feel lonely.
In other words
, nowadays many individuals are reporting grave concerns about mental issues
due to
 not having enough
people
 around which is a commonly witnessed phenomenon;
therefore
,
retirement
 houses provide more socialising opportunities for the old. Different daytime activities are organised for
people
 of the same age, which reduces the feeling of loneliness and anxiety among
people
. In the view of arguments outlined above one can conclude that moving to centres to retire offers a valuable lifestyle for elderly
people
. Those include medical facilities
as well as
 social life of the same age, which improve their mental well-being.
Submitted by rajputashutosh0009 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are more clearly distinguished in each paragraph. This will enhance the clarity and focus of your essay.
task achievement
Further elaborate on your examples to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument as a positive development.
task achievement
You have addressed the task prompt well by explaining why retirement homes can be beneficial, providing a complete response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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