IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people say that older people should live with their adult children, while others think they should live in homes specially built for old people. Which do you think is a better practice?Some people say that older people should live with their adult children, while others think they should live in homes specially built for old people. Which do you think is a better practice?

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There is an ongoing debate about whether should older
people
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 live with their adult
children
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 or in homes specially built for old
people
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. Some
people
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 believe that older
people
Use synonyms
 should live with their adult
children
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,
while
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
 think that better for old
people
Use synonyms
 if they live in
house
Add an article
a house
the house
show examples
This
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 essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion. Some
people
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 believe that older
people
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 should live with their adult
children
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, they argue that need someone
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
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 them happy or help them because the
children
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 have something different, they talk with old
people
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 And make them smile,
for
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 when my little brother played with my grandmother, she was
smaile
Correct your spelling
smile
 for my brother and they drowning
also
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 she loves him
As a result
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, my brother paid
some
Change preposition
for some
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 food for her.
On the other hand
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, other
people
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 believe that live in
house
Add an article
a house
show examples
 specially built for old
people
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. They argue that good for
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
them
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 because
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
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 more comfortable.
For example
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, when they wanted
sleep
Add the particle
to sleep
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 or
need to
Wrong verb form
needed
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some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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break they
can had
Wrong verb form
could have
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 it, my grandfather
she had
Verb problem
was
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 more
relax
Replace the word
relaxed
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 and
she feeling
Wrong verb form
felt
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 better because her home was
complete silence
Replace the word
completely silent
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 so she
can make
Wrong verb form
could do
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 everything without
mess
Add an article
the mess
a mess
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 In my opinion, I think that old
people
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 should live in
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
 because they need some rest and peace of mind.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay has clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This helps guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Practice connecting your ideas more smoothly with appropriate linking words to improve the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Provide clearer examples that directly relate to the points being made. This will strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You've made a genuine attempt to cover both sides of the argument, which is a good approach for the task.
task achievement
Your personal opinion is clearly stated, which is important for concluding the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional support
  • familial bonding
  • isolated
  • heritage
  • traditions
  • personalized care
  • wheelchair accessibility
  • facilities
  • community of peers
  • social interactions
  • mental health
  • generation gaps
  • lifestyle
  • pressure of caregiving
  • feelings of abandonment
  • isolation
What to do next:
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