IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the past it was only possible to contact people at home by letter or telephone. Nowadays, mobile devices mean that we can communicate with people anywhere and at any time. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Over the years, people have been able to leverage the geography barrier and contact each other since cell
phones
Use synonyms
 were invented. Some question whether
such
Linking Words
 a change in lifestyle is of great benefit.
Accordingly
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,
this
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 essay will discuss both the strengths and drawbacks of
this
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 technological innovation. Starting with the advantageous perspective of
this
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 matter, the creation of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 inevitably enhanced the level of convenience in our daily lives.
This
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 is because these
devices
Use synonyms
 are easily feasible benefited by their compact portable designs that enable you to carry them around.
For instance
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, by having a few touches on the
phone
Use synonyms
 screen, you will be able to call for help, reserve a table at restaurants or even purchase clothes or food online, wherever and whenever you want. Taking myself
for example
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, I have been frequently using the food delivery service from my mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 these days as I was heavily occupied
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 my work commitments to cook dishes in the kitchen. Without the existence of the cell
phone
Use synonyms
, it would be relatively challenging for me to have a comfortable work-life balance.
On the other hand
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, no one can dispute the fact that mobile
devices
Use synonyms
 like cell
phones
Use synonyms
 and touchpads can have some negative impacts on individuals. Some researchers have found that these
devices
Use synonyms
 can impose addictions on our children, indulging them in digital games and not socialising face-to-face with others.
However
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, I assert that with proper guidance from parents in
phone
Use synonyms
 usage,
this
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 can be avoidable. To summarize, mobile
devices
Use synonyms
 can not only simplify our means
to communicate
Change preposition
of communicating
show examples
 with others but
also
Linking Words
 make it easier to tackle daily challenges.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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 the introduction of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 significantly enhances our living quality. After a thorough analysis of
this
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 subject, it is predicted that the positive effect of
this
Linking Words
 creation will always be greater than its negative impacts, and because of
this
Linking Words
, they should be promoted and
further
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 developed for our future.

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly states your intention to discuss both sides of the issue, make sure to clearly state your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This will help provide a clearer direction for your essay.
coherence
Some sentences could benefit from greater clarity. For example, the phrase 'easily feasible benefited by their compact portable designs' could be rephrased for better readability.
task achievement
Consider providing more examples or evidence to support your points. While you do give a personal example regarding food delivery, adding statistical data or studies could enhance your argument.
coherence
To improve the flow of your essay, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Some transitions between points can be enhanced with linking phrases.
task achievement
You clearly outlined the two perspectives on the subject of mobile devices, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your overall position, which is a strong aspect of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Geographical boundaries
  • International audience
  • Social movements
  • Convenience
  • Flexibility
  • Emergency contacts
  • Productivity
  • Information accessibility
  • Dependency
  • Over-reliance
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Privacy issues
  • Work-life boundaries
  • Uninterrupted personal time
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