IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects of this on society and families?

#people #children #life #effects #society #families
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Delaying childbirth is a common trend nowadays,
while
Linking Words
 most
people
Use synonyms
 are biologically able to have children in their teen years, it became common sense to not have kids until late in life,
due to
Linking Words
 various reasons
such
Linking Words
 as reaching financial stability, getting higher education, or simply trying new experiences without being tied by the responsibilities of having to raise a kid,
this
Linking Words
 tendency has its effects on the society, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will be discussing how it can affect the structure of families. Regarding the reasons, it is a very individualized decision, during all the human history
people
Use synonyms
 tended to reproduce at a young age
due to
Linking Words
 fear of fertility issues, especially for women.
In contrast
Linking Words
, today with all the advanced medical technologies like IVF and egg freezing,
this
Linking Words
 fear has diminished, and
people
Use synonyms
 are more aware of how much it costs to have kids in today’s capitalism.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I once stumbled upon a study discussing that the expansion of psychological knowledge regarding the impact of childhood traumas and the impact of a good upbringing, had made
people
Use synonyms
 more conscious about making
this
Linking Words
 decision only when they are
finally
Linking Words
 stable enough to ensure the right environment for child-rearing.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon resulted in reversing the population pyramid upside down, meaning that there is an increase in geriatrics compared to youth, which incurs a decline in the workforce and an upward strike in healthcare expenses in many countries like South Korea. Many governments are trying to conquer the long-term effects by offering financial and social support for new parents to encourage the
birthrate
Correct your spelling
birth rate
show examples
 with minimal results.
As a result
Linking Words
, many countries like
Germeny
Correct your spelling
Germany
 became highly dependent on skilled immigrants to push the economy. In conclusion, though the quantity of newborn population is in decline, the quality of their childhood is improving, issues like childhood abuse and neglect will be of the past, as only the person who is fully ready to welcome a child in their arms and give them all what they need and deserve will be a parent, imagine a world where everybody is fully loved by their parents,
that is
Linking Words
 a utopia indeed.
Submitted by maryamansour11 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the prompt and touched on key reasons and effects of delaying childbirth. However, try to provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring a clear logical structure throughout your essay. While the essay is generally well-organized, some ideas could be connected more fluently.
general
Focus on further developing your main points. Adding more supporting details can help clarify and strengthen your arguments.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay’s content. Good job on smoothly transitioning between ideas.
task achievement
The response comprehensively addresses both the reasons and the effects of delaying childbirth. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: