Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Education has long been a subject of debate, with some asserting that an overly competitive academic environment exerts undue pressure on children, potentially stifling their creativity and well-being. Others argue that

competition

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is an essential motivator, fostering resilience and high achievement.

While

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both perspectives have merit, I believe that a balanced approach is necessary to maximize the benefits of

competition

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while

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mitigating its drawbacks. On the one hand, excessive

competition

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in schools can have significant negative consequences. Constantly pitting children against their peers may lead to stress, anxiety, and a fear of failure. Rather than fostering a love for learning, an overemphasis on rankings and test scores can encourage rote memorization

while

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discouraging intellectual curiosity.

Moreover

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, intense academic rivalry may erode cooperation and empathy, replacing them with a cutthroat mentality. In nations where high-stakes examinations dictate future opportunities, many

students

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experience burnout, negatively impacting their mental health and long-term development.

This

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can widen educational inequalities, as those who struggle with intense pressure may fall behind despite their potential.

On the other hand

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, a reasonable level of

competition

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fosters essential life skills. It teaches resilience, perseverance, and adaptability, which are invaluable in both professional and personal settings.

Moreover

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competition

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often pushes

students

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to exceed their perceived limits, unlocking their full potential. Many societies with strong educational systems successfully integrate

competition

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to motivate

students

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without overwhelming them.

For example

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, countries that balance rigorous academic standards with a focus on collaboration and creativity tend to produce high-achieving yet well-rounded individuals. In conclusion,

while

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excessive competitiveness can be detrimental, it is, I think, undeniable that moderate

competition

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encourages ambition, discipline, and innovation. Schools should strike a balance, ensuring

students

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are motivated yet supported, allowing them to thrive academically and personally.

seharn1997Fri Apr 11 2025

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task achievement

Consider including a broader range of examples to illustrate your points, especially in the second argument, to strengthen your position.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that all paragraphs have topic sentences to enhance clarity and guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.

task achievement

Your introduction clearly outlines the debate and states your opinion effectively, setting a strong foundation for the essay.

coherence and cohesion

The transitions between ideas are smooth and logical, creating a cohesive flow throughout your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

undue stress
academic achievement
critical thinking
interpersonal skills
unhealthy rivalries
social isolation
bullying
reduced collaboration
motivation
achieve their goals
resilience
perseverance
innovation
improvement
outperform
higher standards

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Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

"According to those in the travel business, the nature of the average 'holiday' is changing. Rather than seeking a relaxing break in a far-away place, people now want excitement on their holidays and are keen to participate in unusual and challenging activities. Do you agree or disagree?"

Many people today are worried about the large quantities of waste produced by ordinary households. What problems are caused by household waste, and what solutions may be possible in both the short and the long term?

Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measure should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

The rise of artificial intelligence will lead to significant unemployment in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the increase in international travel has a negative impact on the environment and should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?