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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In recent time, many people are making the decision to live alone what are the causes of this? Does it have positive or negative effect on society?

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Recently, many young adults have decided to reside by themselves rather than share a place with someone else, which results in a heated conversation about its impact on the community. Personally, the main driving factor behind
this
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 social phenomenon is the prevalence of individualist culture, which exerts some undesirable consequences
to
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on
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 our society.
To begin
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 with, the core factor of
this
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 issue is the influence of individualism among young individuals. It is widely acknowledged that family structure has changed dramatically in the 21st century and a growing population of young people these days were born as the only child of the family.
According to
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 a survey in China,
this
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 has become a main cause of individualism, as a majority of Chinese in their 20s have been spoiled by their parents with unconditional love and attention throughout their growing up.
Consequently
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,
due to
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 the lack of experience in sharing with others,
this
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 group of young adults tends to prioritise their own benefits over others.
Hence
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, it is obvious why most of them opt for a single living lifestyle regardless of the soaring housing prices.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 means of living has some detrimental effects, both individually and collectively. Starting with the collective perspective, living independently means that more apartment units need to be constructed to fulfil the housing demands. More farmlands will be taken over by housing projects and more materials will be used in the building process, all of which jeopardises our current environment.
In addition
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 to
this
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, the growing demand
in
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for
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 housing inevitably increases housing prices, which ultimately exerts a negative impact on individuals. When renting or owning a property becomes less affordable, the lives of young adults will
definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 be more challenging. Conclusively,
it is clear that
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 the bachelor living lifestyle is significantly influenced by the dominant norms of individualism, which has some problematic impacts on our community in the long term.
Therefore
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,
such
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 an approach to living is not feasible both sustainably and economically, and it should not be advocated.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or statistics to reinforce your arguments, especially regarding the negative impacts on society.
coherence
Ensure that every point is clearly linked back to the main topic to enhance coherence throughout the essay.
coherence
Try to vary your sentence structures and vocabulary to make your writing more engaging and to demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and your personal view, which sets a strong foundation for the essay.
coherence
You have effectively presented the main causes and implications of living alone, making your argument easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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