In many countries insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause in society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In modern times, elderly persons are decreasing in value compared to
last
year in many countries. In my opinion, a lack of proper teaching at home and nuclear family life are the reasons for this
trend and it could bring some negative consequences. In this
essay, I will examine its cases along with
their effects.
To begin
, the declining
Correct word choice
main declining
respect
for senior citizens main reasons are family bonding and parents' teaching methods at home. Family values and bonds are no longer important to the young generations these days. Not only they are entirely responsible for this
social disgrace but also
parents nowadays are too busy with their own activities they are not getting enough time to teach their children human morality. Furthermore
, most of the children grow up in nuclear families and as a result
, they fail to understand how important it is to show respect
to other members of society, especially senior residents. To illustrate an example, one of my classmates, He,
was raised in a nuclear family. When he visited our house, he had no idea that my grandparents could live in our family. Certainly, he would not know how to spend time with people over 60 years old!
Perhaps the biggest consequence of Remove the comma
apply
this
trend is the moral degradation of youth. Since they find it unnecessary to show proper respect
to elderly people, they will soon forget to respect
other human beings. Moreover
, they will fail to teach the next generation anything about mutual respect
and family values, they will suffer even more when they become old. Finally
, as a whole society would have selfish members who would not be able to maintain social harmony.
In conclusion, the society where is the significant contribution of the golden agers and that is
why the young generation should show their respect
and gratitude to them. The lack of respect
towards the elderly is a great concern and to mitigate this
problem, parents should teach their children morality and the importance of family bonds. Also
, we should provide an opportunity for our younger members to spend happy moments with their grandparents.Submitted by polash.kahari on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates some logical structure, but the transition between ideas could be smoother. You should establish clearer connections between your paragraphs and use a variety of linking words for better flow.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. However, your conclusion could be more comprehensive, summarizing not just the problems but also reflecting more on the potential solutions you briefly mentioned.
coherence cohesion
While you have supported your main points, the details provided are sometimes vague. Consider using more specific and varied examples to illustrate your points. Think about real-world implications or refer to studies, reports, or news articles to add depth to your argument.
task achievement
You've managed to complete the response and touch upon the reasons for insufficient respect for older people as well as potential societal problems. To improve, be sure your response is fully developed and that both aspects of the questions are addressed equally.
task achievement
Your essay contains clear ideas, yet they could be more comprehensively developed. Work on expanding and elaborating your main points to demonstrate depth of thought and understanding.
task achievement
You have provided an example to support your ideas, but it is anecdotal and not entirely persuasive. Aim to include examples that are specific, relevant, and which clearly demonstrate the issues discussed.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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