IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Other believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

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Having a competitive
atmospher
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 at
work
Use synonyms
, school and in
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
everyday life is thought to be a positive aspect for some
people
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others stand with the fact that cooperation and
Use synonyms
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 is rather more beneficial. I opine that the
later
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latter
show examples
 statement outweighs the pros of the former statement, in which having various
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 as a
team
Use synonyms
insures
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ensures
show examples
 a better outcome for all
indiviuals
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individuals
.  Undoubtedly, having some sort of competition
wether
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whether
show examples
 in a school
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
, at a workspace or simply doing what you normally do
everyday
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every day
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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ought to
generat
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generate
 a type of motivation as you might feel like you have to prove yourself to others. But,
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
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 that generate too much stress? As an example, a school where teachers tend to teach their students the concept of
Use synonyms
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
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 and cooperation tend to have
a better academic results
Correct the article-noun agreement
better academic results
a better academic result
show examples
 for all students.
On the other hand
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, schools with a competitive mindset
tends
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tend
show examples
 to have one 'over-achieving' student with the rest feeling like they have failed, creating a sense of
anixety
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anxiety
,
not to mention
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 depression.
Moreover
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, working as a
team
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 allows individuals to be more
proudctive
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productive
. For say, working in a hospital.
Intially
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Initially
 an intern doctor would examine a patient in which s/he
reports
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report
show examples
 the findings to their senior doctor,
together
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and together
show examples
 they reach a diagnosis. After concluding a diagnosis a nurse is assigned to give the appropriate medicine and dosage to the patient. Would it be possible for one person only to do all of that
insuring
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ensuring
show examples
thr
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the
 patient's health? It
comes
Verb problem
goes
show examples
 without saying that,
comptetion
Correct your spelling
competition
 is necessary. Some
people
Use synonyms
 would find it very difficult to stay motivated without some sense of competition in their lives. They might feel like they have nothing to prove,
hence
Linking Words
 lacking ambition. In
this
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 case, the idea of
competiton
Correct your spelling
competition
 comes in handy.
People
Use synonyms
 will feel more motivated to get up and be productive because they
dont
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don't
 want to be left behind or seen as a
faliure
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failure
.
Although
Linking Words
 it is seen as an advantage here, it could generate too much stress
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
oneself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
causing more harm than good. In conclusion,
i
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I
show examples
 opine that both aspects can have their ups and downs, yet
i
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I
show examples
 strongly believe that working as a
team
Use synonyms
 serves
alot
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a lot
 more advantages than having to be surrounded
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 competition
through out
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throughout
show examples
 your life.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and introduce more variety in your vocabulary to enhance the essay’s overall readability.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured, clearly presenting one main idea per paragraph to improve coherence.
task achievement
Consider presenting a stronger counterargument or addressing opposing views in more depth to enhance the balance of your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical accuracy; minor errors can distract from your main points.
task achievement
You have presented a clear opinion and structured your argument with supporting examples, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your use of real-life examples, like teamwork in hospitals, effectively illustrates your points and adds depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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