IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

regular physical activity is very important for maintaining good health. Why is exercise so important, and what can individuals do to make sure they are getting enough exercise/

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Physical activities are very crucial to
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle. In upcoming
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss the
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exercise and how folks can
assure
Verb problem
ensure
show examples
 to get adequate physical activities to stay fit. To start with, life is becoming sedentary day by day ,
due to
Linking Words
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
 of transportation and technology. Before
people
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to walk a lot but now
due to
Linking Words
transporation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 it’s easy to travel from one place to another without much walking. At the same time, most of the jobs are sedentary,
people
Use synonyms
 are working on computers or
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from home , which
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 physical activities to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 alarming extent.Apart from that, social media popularity
also
Linking Words
 ends up
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reducing
youngsters
Change noun form
youngsters'
youngster's
show examples
 interest in sports and
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
. So
due to
Linking Words
 these
reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
show examples
 physical activity
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
show examples
 to
greater
Add an article
a greater
the greater
show examples
 extent.
However
Linking Words
, there are many ways to stay fit and active. Lifestyle is busy but
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can encourage themselves and their loved ones to walk more during
commute
Add an article
the commute
a commute
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work.
Also
Linking Words
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
 or fitness
Center
Fix the agreement mistake
Centers
show examples
 are available across every corner of the cities, which are quite helpful
to be
Change preposition
for being
show examples
 in good shape. Apart from that morning
walk
Fix the agreement mistake
walks
show examples
 or yoga are very good ways to get some exercise without spending much amount of money.
Use synonyms
people
Capitalize word
People
show examples
 who are working from home or are housewives can do exercise from home by attending online yoga
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, physical activity decrease to
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
 extent
due to
Linking Words
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 transportation and
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
show examples
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, but still by using gyms or walking more
people
Use synonyms
 can stay healthy and fit.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the introduction by clearly outlining the main points that will be discussed. This helps set the stage for the reader.
task achievement
Make sure to avoid small grammatical errors, as they can detract from the overall impression of your writing. For instance, 'the important of' should be 'the importance of'.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or details in your points to enhance the argument. For instance, mention specific exercises or types of workouts in addition to gyms or yoga.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure subject-verb agreement and correct word forms; for example, 'reduce physical activities' should be 'reduces physical activity'. These details are vital for clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
You have identified the main reasons why exercise is important and provided practical suggestions for staying active, which makes your essay relevant and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: