IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below gives information about birth and death rates in Switzerland from 1970 to 2020 according to United Nations statistics.

The chart below gives information about birth and death rates in Switzerland from 1970 to 2020 according to United Nations statistics.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram shows the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
birth
Fix the agreement mistake
births
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
 in Switzerland between 1970
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2020 based on statistics provided by
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Nations. The
births
Use synonyms
 rose gradually from
Use synonyms
decades
Fix the agreement mistake
decade
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
decades
Fix the agreement mistake
decade
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the
death
Use synonyms
 shows minimal
growth
Use synonyms
 from 1970 until 1990, and
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 significantly until 2020.
While
Linking Words
 the
birth
Use synonyms
 shows highest
number
Use synonyms
 in 20202 with about 3
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million deaths
show examples
death
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
death
Use synonyms
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
a contrary
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 and
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 for almost 1
Use synonyms
millions
Change to a singular noun
million
show examples
 in 2020. In the three first decade (1970-1990) the
number
Use synonyms
 of
birth
Use synonyms
 rates in Switzerland grew slightly. Over the next years, the
trend
Use synonyms
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
 rising and
show
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 consistent
growth
Use synonyms
 until the end of the
survey
Use synonyms
 in 2020, with
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 numbers in about 3
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
births
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 pictured the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
births
Use synonyms
 in 6
decades
Use synonyms
 based on
Use synonyms
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 contrary
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
births
Fix the agreement mistake
birth
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of deaths in Switzerland in the first three
decades
Use synonyms
 shows
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
growth
Use synonyms
, but the
last
Linking Words
 three
decades
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
survey
Add an article
the survey
a survey
show examples
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 drop.
At the end
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
survey
Add an article
the survey
show examples
, in 2020 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the lowest compared to
another
Replace the adjective
another decade
other decades
show examples
decades
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 about 1
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 deaths.
Thus
Linking Words
, through
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
, we can conclude that
Siwtzerland
Correct your spelling
Switzerland
birth
Use synonyms
 and
death
Use synonyms
 rates had
contrary
Add an article
the contrary
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
births
Change the noun form
birth
show examples
 rate is
Use synonyms
growth
Replace the word
growing
show examples
 considerably every
Use synonyms
decades
Change to a singular noun
decade
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of deaths
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remarkably dipped down
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every
Use synonyms
decades
Change to a singular noun
decade
show examples
, especially
at the end
Linking Words
 of suvery in 2000-2020.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, at the end, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, birth, death, births, decades, growth, millions, trend, survey with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 8 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: