IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

A group of people believe that smoking in the public should be banned. Other groups of people argue that it should not. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Genrerally speaking about smoking is a controversial nowadays, some people dislike the idea of smoking ,
while
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 others consider it as a personal freedom. In
this
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 essay, I shall elaborate on
also
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 I shall reveal my point of view
according to
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this
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 topic.
To begin
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 with, we all know the cons of smocking
as well as
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 the impact of
this
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 bad habit on the humankind health state.
Hence
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 the smoking person should respect the others especially, if the place was crowded,
besides
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, there are alot of people suffering from Asthma or having difficulty in breathing.
Moreover
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,
this
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 bad habit should be restricted or forbidden in general places . In order to avoid the fire complication ,
for instance
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: data analysis reveal 40% from the fire problems is from the cigarette.
Overall
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, medical statistics reveal the main cause in lung cancer is the smoking.
However
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, the drawbacks of the nicotine doesn't limit on the others,
consequently
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, the harm effect of
this
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 carbon dioxide has a carsogenic impact on the person himself/herself.
Additionally
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, if the smoker was a pregnant female
then
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 , the dangerous effect will definitely has a reverse effect on the baby.
On the other hand
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,
although
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, the advantage of smoking in decreasing the stress
as a result
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 many groups are addicted on it, that why some of population proponent to the notion of smoking ,
for instance
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: many of the companies who are sponsoring for smoking written awareness on the cigarette cans , but still the addicted smokers utilities it. To sum it up, the notion of smocking has a significant disadvantages on smoking person
as well as
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, on environment, beside, compromised patients. I wholeheartedly concur with the idea of banning smoking in the public places.

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task achievement
Your introduction sets the context well, but you should avoid very general statements. Your essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
While your main points are relevant, they need more detailed development and specific examples. For instance, instead of simply claiming smoking should be restricted in general places, you could illustrate the point with real-life regulations or statistics.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that impede full comprehension. Focus on making your sentences clearer and more concise. For example, replace 'Genrerally speaking about smoking is a controversial nowadays' with 'Smoking in public is a controversial issue nowadays.'
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is logical, but transitions between points could be smoother. Use clear linking phrases such as 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' and 'On the other hand' more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of discussing both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view before offering your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is strong and clearly expresses your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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