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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

If you want to be successful at work，you should have high-level computer skills, do you agree or disagree?

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Many people argue that mastering advanced
computer
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skills
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 is essential for achieving
success
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 in the workplace.
However
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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 perspective.
Firstly
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,
it is clear that
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 not all jobs require IT expertise at work. In
service
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the service
a service
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 industry,
such
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 as chefs and delivery
staffs
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staff
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, which rely on manual tasks in their field, indicating a
limited-value
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limited value
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 of
computer
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techques
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techniques
.
For instance
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, Customers are not attracted by a restaurant with excellent IT technology;
instead
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, if chefs with exceptional cooking
skills
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can deliver high-quality cuisine,
such
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delicious
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as delicious
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 local dishes, and satisfy customer tastes, these chefs can help the restaurant attract more guests.
Therefore
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, in many sectors, especially the service industry, excellent physical
skills
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 are more important than
computer
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skills
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.
Secondly
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, we should focus on a range of
abilities
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 that lead to
success
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 in the workplace, not only
computer
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skills
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.
For instance
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,
master
Wrong verb form
mastering
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 effective communication
skills
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 plays a crucial role in project management.
Additionally
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, developing
a
Correct article usage
apply
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strong risk management
skills
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 is equally critical for
project’s
Correct article usage
a project’s
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success
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. Without these
abilities
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, team members cannot fully understand what is happening within the project, which can significantly hinder the project’s
success
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.
However
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, only mastering
computer
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skills
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 cannot handle communication well and control risks during the project process.
Hence
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, to achieve
success
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, we should develop various
abilities
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 beyond
Correct your spelling
advanced
advenced
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advanced
computer
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skills
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 In conclusion, despite living in a digital age, high-level
computer
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skills
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 alone cannot guarantee
success
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 in the workplace.
Instead
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, we should gain a deep understanding of the industry we work in and develop various
abilities
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, for both mental and physical workers.

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task achievement
Consider providing more clear examples or detailed explanations for your points to enhance argumentation.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words (e.g., furthermore, in addition) to improve the flow of ideas and ensure that each paragraph connects more logically to one another.
coherence and cohesion
Try to refine your thesis statement in the introduction to more explicitly outline your main arguments, making your position clearer from the start.
task achievement
You display a clear ability to argue your perspective, providing reasons for your disagreement, which is commendable.
task achievement
The use of real-world examples, such as the role of chefs in the service industry, helps to ground your argument, making it more relatable.
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