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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Caring for children is probably the most important thing of the society. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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Nowadays, how to raise and take care of
children
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 is becoming a crucial topic. One of the suggestions is that
parents
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 should study some
courses
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 to improve their
childcare
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 abilities, and I completely agree with
this
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 perspective. There are several reasons why
childcare
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 training
courses
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 are fairly important. First of all,
this
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 training can assist
parents
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 in strengthening their relationship with their
children
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 because they may learn numerous methods and acquire advanced skills,
such
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 as listening, talking or playing, to interact with their
kids
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.
Second,
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if
parents
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 gain emergency techniques relating to
children
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,
children
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 can be saved immediately when they encounter dangerous situations.
For example
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, when
children
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 are stuck with food, their
parents
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 can apply emergency skills to help their
children
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 get rid of the food and have the ability to breathe again.
Finally
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,
childcare
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courses
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 may assist
parents
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 in raising their
children
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 in a healthy way since
parents
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 are able to learn what kinds of things
children
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 can do or not including food and social media, providing them with the best environment to grow up.
On the other hand
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, some people may argue that they are unwilling to waste money, time, and energy to take training
courses
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 because they believe that satisfying their
kids
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' requirements is enough.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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 opinion because taking care of
children
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 is a tough challenge. If
parents
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 apply their method in the wrong direction,
children
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 may have a negative effect.
For instance
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, some
parents
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 may let their
kids
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 use social media without any regulation.
As a result
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, there is a risk that
children
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 will addicted to the internet, and a small number of them may be violent after they become teenagers.
To sum up
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, I consider that
childcare
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 training
courses
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 are essential for
parents
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. The training can let
parents
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 raise their
kids
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 in a smart way and prevent them from being worse.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a clearer outline for your essay to enhance overall logical flow. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is directly connected to your argument.
task achievement
Try to include more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which sets a strong foundation for your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that illustrate your points, such as emergency techniques and the impact of social media, demonstrating your understanding of the topic.
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