IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for or allow them to do whatever they want to do. Is this good for children? What could be consequences for these children when they grow up?

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Some
parents
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 may try their best to satisfy their
children
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’s demands and desires.
However
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, some critics argue
this
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 behaviour since it will have a negative effect on
children
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's development. I agree with the perspective that
parents
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 should not give and allow everything that their
children
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 want. There are several reasons why I do not support
this
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 parental method, and it does not have any benefits for
children
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. First of all, if
parents
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 provide their kids with anything items which they want,
children
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 may believe that it is fairly easy to acquire something.
As a result
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, they will not treat those items carefully.
For example
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, my
parents
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 always buy the latest technology,
such
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 as computers and smartphones, for my younger brother. After the next products come out,
although
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 his computer or phone are not broken or damaged, he still wants to change it, making the waste. He does not understand how expensive it is and how hard to buy it.
Second,
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children
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 are not easily controlled by their
parents
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 if their
parents
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 allow them to do anything based on their demands. In the future, there will be a consequence that their kids will not listen to their
parents
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 anymore.
Furthermore
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, there are numerous effects after
children
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 grow up.
First,
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the most significant influence is that their relationship with family is not strong enough, because they may consider that
parents
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 can only satisfy their demand rather than offer them mental support.
Therefore
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, they may often ask for money or anything else.
Moreover
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, since
parents
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 allow them to do anything, those young people may tend to do illegal activities,
such
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 as serving medicines, drinking too much alcohol, or fighting with other people.
Hence
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, I strongly believe that those
children
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 as they grow up may be a serious social problem.
To sum up
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, if
parents
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 just give and permit anything for their
children
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,
children
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 may easily acquire negative behaviour. In the future, they will be a part of social issues and will not get close to their family.

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task achievement
Try to add more detailed explanations and examples to support your points more fully. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that every point you introduce is clearly connected and contributes to your overall argument. Use linking phrases to improve transitions.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing.
content
You have presented a clear opinion on the topic and structured your essay well with distinct paragraphs.
content
You provided relevant examples to illustrate your points, which adds credibility to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgence
  • overindulgence
  • leniency
  • emotional resilience
  • rejection
  • entitlement
  • realistic expectations
  • self-regulated behavior
  • egocentric
  • financial management
  • professional relationships
  • collaboratively
  • criticism
  • appreciation
  • value
  • effort
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