IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Does the advantage of this for individuals outweigh the disadvantage for the environment?

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In recent years, an increasing number of individuals have been purchasing their own cars and using them for daily commuting.
While
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 private
vehicles
Use synonyms
 offer certain advantages, I strongly disagree with the suggestion that their benefits outweigh their environmental consequences. The primary disadvantage of private vehicle
use
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 is the emission of harmful gases into the atmosphere.
According to
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 the World
Health
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 Organization,
transportation
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 is one of the largest contributors to urban
air
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pollution
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, particularly in densely populated areas.
This
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pollution
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 not only harms the environment but
also
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 severely impacts human
health
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.
Furthermore
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, the large number of cars on the road leads to both
air
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 and noise
pollution
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, which in turn diminishes the quality of life for local residents.
This
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 is particularly evident in major cities, where
air
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 quality is regularly below recommended levels.
Additionally
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, traffic congestion exacerbates these problems, causing delays of up to an hour during peak hours, which hampers productivity in the workplace and increases stress levels. As
such
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,
while
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 private
vehicles
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 provide convenience, their environmental and social drawbacks make them a less sustainable option for daily commuting.
Although
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 private
vehicles
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 offer flexibility and convenience, these advantages are often outweighed by their broader negative impact on society.
For instance
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, owning and maintaining a private car can be financially burdensome
due to
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 rising fuel prices, insurance costs, and regular maintenance expenses.
According to
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 recent reports, the average cost of fuel has increased by over 15% in the past year, making car ownership even more expensive.
Moreover
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, the overreliance on private
vehicles
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 contributes to sedentary lifestyles, which increases the risk of
health
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 issues
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular diseases.
In contrast
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, public
transportation
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 offers a more cost-effective and healthier alternative, encouraging people to walk or cycle to transit stations.
Additionally
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, the
use
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 of public transport reduces the number of cars on the road, alleviating traffic congestion and improving
air
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 quality.
Therefore
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,
while
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 private
vehicles
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 may seem advantageous on an individual level, their long-term economic,
health
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, and societal costs make them a less
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 choice
overall
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. Ultimately,
although
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 private
vehicles
Use synonyms
 provide a certain level of personal comfort and flexibility, the disadvantages associated with their
use
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 clearly outweigh the benefits. From contributing to
air
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 and noise
pollution
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 to increasing traffic congestion and fostering unhealthy lifestyles, the negative effects of private vehicle
use
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 are both widespread and long-lasting. To address these issues, it is essential to promote the
use
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 of public
transportation
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 and other sustainable commuting options.
Such
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 measures would not only reduce environmental damage but
also
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 improve urban living conditions, enhance public
health
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, and create a more efficient
transportation
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 system
overall
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.

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Coherence and Cohesion
While the points made are clear and relevant, consider integrating transitional phrases for even smoother movement between ideas.
Task Achievement
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing key points more explicitly and reinforcing your stance to leave a stronger impression.
Task Achievement
You can consider providing more specific examples or statistics related to public transportation benefits to further support your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on distinct yet interconnected ideas.
Task Achievement
A strong disagreement with the premise is clearly articulated, reinforcing your position throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban sprawl
  • carbon emissions
  • sustainable transport
  • convenience
  • infrastructure development
  • traffic congestion
  • air pollution
  • greenhouse gases
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
  • environmental sustainability
  • individual mobility
  • quality of life
  • automotive industry
  • climate change
What to do next:
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