IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think news has no connection to peoples live so it is a waste of time to read news in newspaper and watch news programme in television .To what extend do you agree or disagree

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Watching
Use synonyms
news
Add an article
the news
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 has been constantly deemed as a means to provide current information to
people
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.
Altough
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Although
 it might appear as a "waste of time", I strongly believe that being updated about current topics is beneficial as it helps
Correct article usage
the medias
show examples
medias
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media
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raising
Wrong verb form
raise
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 public
awarness
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awareness
as well as
Linking Words
enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhance
show examples
 personal knowledge. At the onset, 
Use synonyms
news
Add an article
the news
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 could be part of
people
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's lives as
chanels
Correct your spelling
channels
news
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appear
Change the verb form
appears
show examples
 as a tool to inform spectators about different topics
occuring
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occurring
 all around the
world
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 in order to raise
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
. Indeed, some
chanels
Correct your spelling
channels
,
such
Linking Words
 as Aljazeera, have informed
people
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 about the war
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 between Israel and Palestine which has led to collective help done by private parties,
as well as
Linking Words
 a noticeable answer triggered by the anger of individuals across the
world
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, seen through strikes. The events of
this
Linking Words
 war alongside its consequences would have never been that widespread without involving the use of
news
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 and media whose main role is to inform and make TV spectators feel concerned about the situation by showing awful pictures of
disaters
Correct your spelling
disasters
disaster
 it has caused.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
news
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 crucial for
people
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 in order to be aware of situations in the
world
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.
However
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,
news
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not only restricted to
spread
Wrong verb form
spreading
show examples
 current information or
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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. They may
also
Linking Words
 help in technology and medical
avancies
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advances
 by enabling scientists to be
uptated
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updated
of
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on
show examples
 the latest discoveries. Doctors,
for example
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, must use the newest treatment for their patients because it will be the most efficient. It has been the case with the introduction of Covid-19 vaccines,
period
Add an article
a period
the period
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 during which healthcare professionals have been informed that a treatment exists to relieve symptoms of the disease. Journals and articles like BMJ, are the most popular
tool
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tools
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 to stay updated
of
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on
show examples
 the most recent innovations and enable
people
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 to
broad
Replace the word
broaden
show examples
 their knowledge.
Consequently
Linking Words
, getting informed of new discoveries is a step forward in the
world
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 for both
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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 and the population. In conclusion, I believe that
news
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appear
Change the verb form
appears
show examples
 to be paramount for the population to stay informed of current situations in the
world
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 that could raise public
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
,
as well as
Linking Words
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 their scientific knowledge.
That is
Linking Words
 the reason why
news
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 part of
people
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's lives since
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
enable
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enables
show examples
 them to stay constantly updated with recent activities and
newest
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the newest
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 actions in the
world
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.

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Grammar
Ensure to proofread your essay for minor spelling errors, such as 'Altough' should be 'Although', and 'chanels' should be 'channels'. These small mistakes can impact readability.
Grammar
Make sure to consistently use singular or plural forms correctly. For example, 'news are crucial' should be 'news is crucial' as 'news' is an uncountable noun.
Cohesion
Consider providing a clearer distinction between your main arguments and more developed explanations for each point. This can help enhance the clarity and depth of your ideas.
Coherence
Try to strengthen your introduction by outlining the key points you will discuss in the essay. This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
Content
You presented a strong argument for the importance of news, effectively discussing its role in public awareness and scientific advancements.
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