IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Everyone should adopt a vegetarian diet because eating meat can cause serious health problems. Do you agree or disagree?

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In contemporary society, many people debate vegetarian and non-vegetarian food in relation to health. Some people have a strong opinion that
meat
Use synonyms
 is the cause of many medical complications,
thus
Linking Words
 deteriorating public health.
Therefore
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, vegetarian diets should be preferred
due to
Linking Words
 their benefits on one’s
overall
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 well-being. In my perspective, I completely disagree with
this
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 statement, as I firmly believe that a diet including the two should be chosen to ensure adequate nutrition.
Firstly
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, vegan diets are rich sources of nutrients
such
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 as carbohydrates, vitamins, and minerals, but lack essential amino acids and fats imperative for bone building and muscle function.
For instance
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, it was cited in an article that, in order to avoid deficiency disorders, particularly iron-deficiency anaemia and pregnancy complications, eating
meat
Use synonyms
 is highly important.
Furthermore
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, choosing lean
meat
Use synonyms
 in lieu of red
meat
Use synonyms
 is essential to prevent diseases, namely type 2 diabetes and hypertension.
On the contrary
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, vegetarian diets offer many advantages.
To begin
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 with, as previously mentioned, they contain an array of micronutrients—compounds required in smaller amounts by our bodies for proper metabolism and growth.
For example
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, a comparative analysis between two sample groups revealed that individuals who routinely consume vegetables and fruits are less susceptible to micronutrient deficiencies compared to those with inadequate intake. Conclusively, I’m inclined to believe that,
nevertheless
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, both vegetables and
meat
Use synonyms
 are salient for physiological and psychological development.
However
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, consuming
meat
Use synonyms
 excessively can lead to health problems
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and hypercholesterolemia,
hence
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 balanced consumption is fundamental to ensuring healthy living.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction presents the topic well but could benefit from a clearer outline of the main points that will be discussed. This would help set expectations for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
The transitions between paragraphs could be improved for smoother readability. Using linking phrases at the beginning of each paragraph can enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
While your points are valid, incorporating more specific examples or data to support your claims could strengthen your arguments significantly.
task achievement
Always ensure to address opposing viewpoints more thoroughly. While you mention that vegetarian diets have advantages, elaborating on these points can enhance the depth of your response.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear personal viewpoint, which is an important aspect of task response.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of vocabulary is varied and reflects a good understanding of the topic, which enhances the overall quality of the writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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