IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries the widespread use of internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of traveling to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

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The proliferation of the internet has revolutionized communication,enabling people to work and study at
home
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.
However
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, amidst
this
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 rapid development, some individuals are concerned about its potential negative effects. I believe the merits it
offer
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offers
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 far exceed the demerits it may have. On one hand, remote arrangements
has
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have
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 had
adverse
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an adverse
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 impact on individuals’ mental
heath
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health
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 and concentration.
First,
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working or studying from
home
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 may result in social isolation. Reduced physical interaction with colleagues or classmates limits opportunities for spontaneous communication and collaboration, which are vital for building relationships and maintaining mental well-being.
This
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 lack of social engagement can contribute to feelings of loneliness and negatively impact mental health.
Second,
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home
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 environments often lack the structure of traditional workplaces. Domestic duties and noises may disrupt focus,
while
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 the comfort of being at
home
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 could reduce motivation, leading to procrastination and lower efficiency.
On the other hand
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, it does offer significant advantages. One major benefit is the ability to work or study in a personally tailored environment. Individuals can organize their spaces to suit their preferences, whether through quiet rooms for concentration or comfortable seating for extended tasks.
This
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 autonomy often enhances satisfaction and productivity.
Additionally
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, eliminating daily commutes saves considerable time and energy. For those living in urban areas with long travel times,
this
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 allows more hours to be dedicated to professional tasks, personal hobbies, or family interactions, thereby improving
overall
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 quality of life. In conclusion,
while
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 remote work and study
poses
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pose
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 risks like social disconnection and distractions, these can be mitigated through hybrid models and disciplined time management. It seems to me that the possible benefits of it are more significant than the potential dangers.

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task achievement
Ensure clarity in expressing the thesis statement. Consider rephrasing to make it a strong, clear statement of your position.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your main points, particularly in the discussion of social isolation and productivity.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking phrases more frequently to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs, especially when transitioning between ideas.
task achievement
Consider addressing the counter-arguments more prominently to strengthen the overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively discuss both advantages and disadvantages, demonstrating a balanced view of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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