In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageijg population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people To what extent do the advantages of having an ageijg population outweigh the disadvantages

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Nowadays it is thought that
people
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have longer life spans than they used to before. A lot argue that an older generation can be a burden to some societies,
however
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, some believe that having older
people
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could account for some benefits. I, to some
extent
Add the comma(s)
extent,
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agree that older
people
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can bring in more advantages than disadvantages as I shall
further
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discuss my perspective in
this
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essay. 
Firstly
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, it is well known that older
people
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always have a ton of wisdom and knowledge and they always find the correct ways to use and spread it.
This
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can help the younger generation to make the most out of the obtained information and make use of it today.
Also
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, having to say your kids met their great-grandparents, isn't that an amazing feeling? It is stated that when children are more exposed to their extended family, they easily grow the sense of family orientation and they tend to understand the importance of family. 
In contrast
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, having an ageing population could mean a lot of hospitalizations. Old
people
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tend to easily get sick and almost all chronic diseases's main risk factor is old age. From a government's point of view,
this
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means bettering healthcare facilities which can be rather expensive.
Besides
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, it is thought that when older
people
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get sick, the disease does not only affect their general well-being but
also
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their mental state. Statistics illustrate that 60% of hospitalized patients over the age of 70 are
also
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depressed.  In conclusion, both arguments state strong points,
however
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, from my standpoint, I believe that the idea of younger children having a connection with their grandparents and even great-grandparents who are
also
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teaching them wisdom and knowledge shall outweigh any financial or economic benefit.

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task achievement
Ensure that all points are clearly stated and directly address the question. For example, strengthen the connection between the benefits and the perspective of those who view an ageing population negatively.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Words like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' can guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
Include specific examples to illustrate your points more effectively, especially when discussing the benefits of having an elderly population.
task achievement
Your introduction sets a clear direction for the essay and acknowledges both sides of the argument.
task achievement
The points about the wisdom of older generations and the importance of family connections are well articulated and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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