IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A lot of people think the main reason for
employees
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 to
work
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 hard is salary and make more
money
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. Personally, I believe that
money
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 is crucial for basic life needs and one of the factors to improve your quality of life. I will explain my reasons in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On one hand , workers believe that salary is a significant factor that impacts their
work
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 level .
Moreover
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,
employees
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 sometimes
work
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 in multiple jobs to gain more cash or
work
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 extra
hours
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 to receive an overtime bonus .
Money
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 promotions motivate
employees
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 to excel in their
work
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. A good example is that doctors have on-call shifts and
work
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 for more than 12
hours
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 in hospital duties,
as a result
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, they have high salaries, which can be used for children's schools , shopping and medical insurance for them or their families.
Therefore
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, earning extra
money
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 encourages
employees
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 to challenge themselves ,
work
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 hard , and consider the first reason
impacts
Correct pronoun usage
that impacts
show examples
 them during
work
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.
On the other hand
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, developing
employees
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' personalities and building friendship relations are other reasons to
work
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 hard. People spend more than 8
hours
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 of their days at
work
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 , so
work
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 colleagues consider a second family that pushes them to
work
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 more with positive energy.
In addition
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, multiple experiences during working
hours
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 help to strengthen the workers' personalities.
For instance
Linking Words
, problem-solving skills develop in health administrative workers who face issues with bed crises during the COVID pandemic. Those two causes are significant for
employees
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 to love and continue in their jobs , but not enough to
work
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 extra and be under stressful situations. In conclusion, multiple factors affect the
work
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 quality between
employees
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. The most crucial factor is how much
money
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 you can gain by working hard . Social life and personality development are factors that have less effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
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 quality.

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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples to support your points. While you have some examples, elaborating on them further would add depth to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using more sophisticated vocabulary. This will make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. This can help enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view by considering both monetary and non-monetary factors affecting work motivation.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is structured with clear paragraphs, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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